Love, Nigeriana!

‘Ha ha ha, this is truly funny.’ I said , raising my head to look at Tahir who had just joined me at the garden, and was standing by a chair. ‘It might be a joke but it is saying a profound truth about Nigerian men.’ I added, showing him the video clip playing on my phone screen.

‘Really? And what is it that is so truthful?’ He asked, reaching out for the chair next to mine and sitting down. He then took the phone from me and said ‘This clip has ended. I’ll have to play it again.’

The moment Tahir touched the play button, the voices of the two Nigerians acting the most emotional scene of the Titanic came on:

‘Babatunde’ the female actress said while trying hard keep afloat in the water ‘you said you would die for me. Please let me come on.’ She begged, her hand on the floating door that was keeping her husband/lover afloat. But to her shock he merely held on to his safety and said ‘What did you say?  My own love is not blind.’

While she continued to beg desperately, the man kept saying stuff like ‘No way Nigerian man cannot come anywhere, African man cannot die for anybody, who will be in the shop?’ etc. Then she finally appealed to his emotions by saying she loved him, but the man simply replied ‘I love you too but God loves you more’ and still held on to the safety of his floating door. She soon gave up the struggle and drowned. They call it ‘Titanic Nigeria’ and when you compare it to the original Titanic movie, you’ll have no choice but to laugh. Predictably laughing at the scene and handing the phone back to me, Tahir simply observed: 

‘This is only a comedy, it’s meant to make people laugh, like you and I have done. There is nothing there to suggest it’s the truth about Nigerian men.’

‘No, but you’ve often heard the saying that art imitates life. This is a comedy that reflects the reality of love in Nigeria. In Nigeria love is a fair weather thing. When the going is good, your man is by your side. But the moment the situation changes and calls for sacrifice, you will see a different man arise. And excuses like ‘who will stay at the shop’; ‘who will mind the children’; who will take care of my aged parents?’ will all be used to ensure that the woman is sacrificed at the alter of whatever the problem or inconvenience is.’ I argued.

‘Really Bint? So this is what you think of us? Do you truly believe this of all Nigerian men, including me?’ He asked.

‘It’s not a question of what I believe Tahir, it is a question if what I have seen. Men, over here are not capable of loving us sincerely or dedicatedly. It’s all a matter of convenience. Even among our local folk, a man only stands by his wife when all is well. Many times I’ve  seen a man rush his wife back home to her parents because she was sick and he claimed he couldn’t take care of her. But I’m yet to see a woman who took a man back to his parents because he was sick. A wife will hang around and nurse him to good health, no matter the extent of the illness. 

The same tendency manifests when good fortunes smiles at a Nigerian or African man. That is when he decides that he must put you in your place otherwise you will disrespect him. Then he either goes ahead and marry again or begins to act all high and mighty, just to let you know that you are not equal to him in any way. This is why you will never hear of something like Bill and Melinda Gates Foundation in our country because the moment he becomes Bill, he would like you to know that he did it all by himself and any sacrifices you thought you made towards his success does not count. In fact, it is precisely to prevent you from thinking you are Melinda that he will rush and acquire more wives. That way he has dealt with any aspirations you might entertain of being equal to him. So how can someone who strives only to show you that you are not as important as he is, ever sacrifice his life for you? That’s impossible.’ I concluded.

‘Wow, amazing. I truly had no idea you harbour all these grievances against us. But the bottom line is you are taking a jab at polygamy, and polygamy is lawful, a recommended practice, since it was practiced by Rasulillah SAW. So how can you blame Nigerian men for practising a religious injunction?’ Tahir asked.

‘No, I was not attacking polygamy. I was just saying that not everyone does it with the right intention. Some do it only so they could make a wife feel inferior, or a failure or not worthy of their love and affection. So let’s face it most Nigerian men aren’t capable of true love. And that is just what these comedians are saying. But there are a few great exceptions, and you happen to be one of them hubby dearest, if not the best of them.’ I declared affectionately, patting his hand with mine, on the garden table.