Why Imam Imam was likeable

“I didn’t see your comment on what I wrote about Sokoto State,” I complained, “wanted to get your perspective.” 

“But I did,” Imam Imam said, “mine was one of the first comments.  You know Doctor, I set my settings such that whenever you make a post I’m alerted immediately.”

You see what he did there? He made me happy – wittingly or unwittingly – by massaging my ego by showing appreciation.  Anyone who is told that his writings are anyone’s priority would feel good.  Let alone if the person who makes your posts a priority is the adviser on media to the governor, himself a writer.  Imam was easy to talk to that. He especially avoided needless arguments.  

Dale Carnegie wrote in his “How to Win Friends and Influence People” that: “Any fool can criticize, complain and condemn – and most fools do. But it takes character and self-control to be understanding and forgiving.”

This was one of his five core attributes that made him likeable. I’m going to tell you about others presently. All in all, however, Imam knew of how to relate with people without being abrasive or disagreeable. In other words, he knew how to manage relationships. 

I found his style very impressive probably because we agree on most things, maybe because we used to have the similar jobs, maybe because we were agemates (he died at 41, only two years older than me).

His second attribute I like was the way he said positive things about people even when they were not around.  

We were at Asa Pyramid Hotel in Kaduna in 2015 when he approached me with excitement, Ah! Dr, one of the good brains behind our developmental strategies in Sokoto is from Niger State,” he said beaming.  “Muhammad Alibaba is his name,” he continued. “Oh. I remember,” he seemed to recall,  “you were the one who connected us with him!”

Of course I was happy to hear this glowing endorsement of my friend and someone from my hometown – especially since I made the connection.  I mentioned what Imam said to Alibaba .  This made him happy.  But who wouldn’t be?

Indeed, what Imam did was an implementation of one of the traditions of  Prophet Muhammad, may peace be upon.  Whether Imam did it deliberately or unwittingly, I can’t say. The Prophet, however, would say something positive about his companions when they were not around to hear it themselves.  This was one of the reasons why his companions loved him.

For example, a delegation was coming to see him from Yemem, he told his companions that a man within that delegation was the best among his people.  So when the man came into the mosque, everyone was looking at him; abashed, he asked the reason why they were looking at him and the people told him the good news.

Now imagine instead of this, someone said a bad word behind your back.  How would you feel? Of course you would never  forget that wickedness, some may never forgive the infraction.  But what if you flip it and instead say something nice about people even when they were not themselves available?  That’s what Imam did.    That’s why people liked him.  That’s why we miss him. May Allah forgive him.

Another attribute of Imam that’s related to the  one above, is that he liked to share good news.  I once wrote a column which he showed his boss, Gov Tambuwal while they were on board an airplane.  The governor read it, fascinated,   asked if it was written by the Ibraheem Dooba he knew.  Imam said yes. The governor promptly told him to communicate with me, so that I could guide his state with the implementation of the idea.  I had to bring some foreigners to Sokoto State in the pursuit of the realization of that idea.  Others have told similar stories about Imam Imam.  So if you want to be likeable, don’t repel people with bad news bring them good news like Imam did.  That’s why people liked him.  That’s why we miss him. May Allah forgive him.

The forth element of Imam’s likeability is his fidelity.  He’s faithful to his friends and to his family.  Something happened that deepened my respect for him which also made me to take pity on him.  A married woman fell in love with him. 

 Imam   reminded her that she was married.  “So what?” she said. Imam would not hear   of it.  He blocked all channels of communication with her, yet she found other means to send love messages. He even threaten her that as a media man, he could expose her because he still had all her messages.  

That didn’t deter her either – maybe because she knew that Imam didn’t have the constitution to expose her.  So he called me to intervene.  

Note that he suffered in silence for a while (probably  to protect the woman’s honour) before telling another soul.  He told me because I was instrumental in his hiring of that woman.

When a mutual friend recommended the woman to consult for one of Imam’s businesses, I found her to be well qualified, articulate, beautifully educated and resolute.  So I agreed that she should be hired.  That was why he wanted me to tell her to back off.

  I’m telling you this story   so that you may be a witness to Imam’s faithfulness, perhaps this would help him in the hereafter. Some men would jump at this “opportunity” but not Imam. That’s why people liked him.  That’s why we miss him. May Allah forgive him.

The last of Imam’s attributes I want to mention today is that he was not afraid to ask for help.  “Doctor, I’ve been asked to buy a school in Kaduna,” he told me one day. “I’m not in the market for a school.  But I’ll buy it if you asked me to.”  So I went to Kaduna to see the school. My recommendation was that he should buy it “not to make money but because it’s an opportunity to develop human capital – a sadaqatul jariya” something I knew Imam cared about.  So we helped him recruit some staff and made sure we paid them better than competing schools in the area.  The principal of that school, Tajudeen, was still crying when we met at An Nur Mosque for the funeral prayers of Imam.

While engaging me for this assignment, he said “I’m going to pay you anything you ask.  So tell me how much do want for your services?”  I told him that I wouldn’t collect anything.  That it was my own contribution towards the school and a sadaqatul jariya.  Also, I didn’t want to take money because I knew (and told him) that he was going to spend a lot money for years before the school broke even.  Any time I was in Kaduna, I tried to visit the school.  Months later, Imam kept reminding me that he wanted to give me something as an appreciation.

Last year, when I was scrimping and saving for my Hajj, I thought of reminding him about that “appreciation” but how would that sound?  I couldn’t do it. Kunya would kill me.  But the deadline was approaching.  I had been saving for a year, yet the money wasn’t enough.  On the last day the pilgrims were allowed to pay money.  I called him:  “If you’re ever going to give that appreciation,” I joked, “this is the time to do it.  Because I need it to pay for Hajj.” He sent me 200,000 naira.  That’s why people liked him.  That’s why we miss him. May Allah forgive him.

Imam led a good life and people liked him for it.  When my younger brother, Pen Abdul picked me up at home so that we could go to Nizamiye Hospital to pick up his remains, I thought I had finished crying.  But at the hospital, the realization and finality of his life hit me like a bag of rocks and I cried some more. I cried buckets – until my head ached for two days. 

 I also met the mother at the hospital.  Relatively young.  She wasn’t crying.  She was praying.  “May Allah reward him for bringing people together and for helping the family.”  

Governor Tambuwal also met us at the hospital.  Interestingly, he visited Imam at the hospital just the previous day and they had a good chat, we were   told. 

But that day, the governor couldn’t talk.  We left him at Imam’s house in Gwarinpa – he was shocked, completely dazed.

May Allah forgive Imam Dalhatu Imam and grant him mercy.