Corruption and Sai Baba’s turare

Whoever says that Sai Baba is not a cultist does not know what they are saying. Imagine the power of 18 million people marching towards a goal, not even Illuminati has found anything able to stop that flow. I have no idea what type of turare (perfume) the old man uses, but I hope to get one before someone patents it and forces it beyond my reach. It’s the kind of turare that is good for all those whose progress have been blighted as a result of hanging around the wrong crowd for too long.
It was Sai Baba’s turare that brought an improvement in power supply; at least while he was at home. It was not the tough rants of a power-less minister, so kontinu. I promise not to report that while he was away in Paris, there was a dip in power supply. Or that Okeagi, my town is yet to feel the effect of Sai Baba’s turare in power supply. I don’t want any Disco shareholder to have a heart attack and I don’t want to get them into trouble. Their secrets are safe with me.
So, ICPC has returned N924 million environment and sundry funds back to where it belongs. Those who inadvertently transferred the money into private accounts caught the smell abi na odour of Sai Baba’s turare, then they called the ICPC, an agency we thought had gone with the wind. Long story short, the money is lying in a safe vault in CBN. With Baba’s turare, I have bad news for elite perfumeries; it is business unusual. Sai Baba has promised not to devalue the Naira – no more; I think the addition is necessary because our national currency has been through a rough patch indeed. Now, those bank ladies canvassing for funds to meet deadlines have a new thing coming. They would have to stay in their banking halls and treat the unwashed masses who deposit kosai and akara money with as much respect as they did those directors who hitherto directed government money into private accounts. Government money is now to be deposited in government bank! Who says Bakin Zuwo’s was wrong when, faced with corruption charges, he retorted that he kept government money in government house? I know its bad news for Abuja wives who broke vows using their tempting cleavages to earn those big cars, larger than life houses and all-expenses paid overseas trips! Change has come.
Transformation a word so long used and abused without fear of reprieve is taking on new meaning. This may be news to Godswill Akpabio whose trip to the airport uncommonly transformed him into a London hospital. Even PDP that used to pride itself as the largest party in Africa has been transformed into an Ijaw party. This is the gospel according to President Jones. This too is change, it is transformation we can believe in and identify with.
If ICPC woke from its sleep, what shall we say of kwandankwando (the Code of Conduct Bureau.) Usually declaration forms take their queue in a pile; today the ash of a 2003 fire is burning President Bukky in the Red Chamber. Last week, the bureau finally got back to Bukky dragging him and his office before the courts of law. Things like these are not uncommon, especially since, although elected or selected, you assume the title of chief executive of a whole state, which means that the land and its fullness is yours. A smart way round this is to adopt Sai Baba’s caveat – stating that you were allotted some property in places, which have now escaped your long memory! But such caveats were not invented when Saraki was gwamna and now it seems even sinnate presidential immunity cannot beat the drive to take him to court. He won’t be alone, here’s hoping Champagne Dino is on hand with his friends with placards screaming – stop persecuting the president of the sinnate.
With change, the law is no respecter of persons. There are killjoys who say that where weighty allegations like these are brought against the President of the Sinnate, he ought to step aside (not step down, silly) until he has proved his innocence beyond reasonable doubt. Now, this depends on who is weighing ‘mere allegations’ and what they stand to gain by such a gargantuan demand if they were to make it. I don’t see President Bukky dropping his big title and the siren immunity except he truly believes in change. I see nobody in the sinnate who can make him do that without declaring another recess to evade Sai Baba’s turare. These things are either annoying or interesting, depending on who is assessing. As Mrs. Umokpokpokpo would’ve put it in that hilarious video, Sai Baba, please stop it, you know I like it!