How easy is it to let go of the past?

Letting go of past hurts is not easy. Hurt has to run its course – so letting go too soon just might not work. Some pains linger and eat away at people. Time is, as they say, a great healer. We’ve all been hurt. There’s no adult or teen alive today who hasn’t experienced some kind of emotional pain. But then how easy was it for you let go of the past? Life Xtra got varying answers from people we spoke to on the issue.

Negative events of the past can make it hard for you to live in the present. Troubling memories can make it hard for you to sleep or get through the day. But at a point, you’ll have to realise that you must let go of the past or it will define your future. But then, we always carry our pasts with us in the way we think, talk, and perceive the world.
Managing this can feel like a tightrope walk without an end in sight.
Lucy Akpan in her mid-20s said that letting go was one issue she was battling with. She related an instance when she was ill: “When I was sick, I didn’t have appetite and was practically forced to eat. One day I was being forced to take some orange juice, so that I could free my system. I enjoyed the fruit and had too much, and then I puked. Since that incident I have never taken any (orange juice) again. These are just some of the few issues I have with letting go of my past.”
Apkan adds another reason she finds it difficult to let go of the past. “I don’t easily let go of my past; sometimes it serves as a guide so I don’t fall prey to previous mistakes, while at other times it sets me back, hence it prevents me from moving forward. I have tried to stop the habit, because I see it as a bad habit which must stop. For example, I had one bad relationship and used it to judge other men, until recently,” she says.
Voke Enefome, in her late 30s says: “I don’t have a problem letting go of my past, especially if I share it with someone. If I am angry, I’ll tell you, so that it doesn’t lead to malice. I try as much as I can to  let go because life is too short to fill the mind with the past. That is not to say I don’t make reference to the past at times, I do, but I don’t allow it bug me or distort my present or future.”
For Princewill Okoro, 40, the fact is that the past, present and future all play a role one way or the other. The past sometimes serves as an experience, a guide in your present. “Letting go most times is not easy, especially if it was an experience that hurt so much. But that is the best, so that you can live the present without issues. I know when I was much younger I didn’t forgive easily, but as I grew older and came to understand a bit of life, I realised keeping malice wasn’t worth the stress. It is easier when you let go, even when it is not easy. Sometimes letting go even goes to show how mature you are,” he added.
Other respondents attributed their inability to let go easily to what some friends had done to them. As they related their stories, it was clear that these respondents have developed a form of mistrust for people. Self-employed Esther John said she finds it difficult to make friends now because of an experience she had some time ago: “This girl and I had been childhood friends. In fact, we were more like sisters. We did everything together. Even up to telling each other our secrets and though we went to different universities, we still made sure we were in touch. We graduated the same year, went for service together and fortunately, we served in the same town,” she narrated.
Cutting the story short, Esther said the reason both of them went their separate ways was because “my friend went to tell my fiancé some things I told her and other things she knew about me because I told almost everything that took place when she wasn’t with me. That was how much I trusted her. What she did resulted in a break-up with my fiancé. I learnt my lesson the hard way. Now I’m even scared of telling my own siblings things, especially my younger ones for fear they might do the same thing to me.”
Esther added that: “That doesn’t mean I haven’t forgiven her but it’s been difficult for me to let go because each time I think about it, it hurts me. So honestly, letting go of your past isn’t as easy as some people think because we are different, as such we have our different ways of handling issues, especially emotional issues.”