Revenge or forgiveness, which tastes better?

A manager at an Abuja supermarket, Abduljaleel Salawudeen​, sees revenge as a deterrent to the offender. “Forgiveness is very good in terms of religious, but I prefer revenging so that the person who offended me will know what he has done is bad and he will not go and do it to someone else again,” he said. 

But Sheriff Abdullateef, an accountant and father of two, chooses forgiveness because of the closure it offers him. “Forgiveness would taste better, because when you forgive someone, you are at peace with yourself and have rest of mind that is devoid of any kind of grief,” he quipped.

“Will revenge repair whatever damage that was caused by the action or inaction of the offender? The answer is no! But I think forgiveness will make you close that chapter and move on and also give the individual an opportunity to right the wrong. He may be in a position of assistance to you in the future,” Abdullateef added.

Stephen Onyekachi, a technical financial consultant, preferred to sit on the fence on the issue as he explained that both forgiveness and revenge give equal satisfaction. “Everyone is unique therefore people respond differently to the same situation. I really have to say it actually depends on the person involved and the choice he or she is willing to make,” he remarked.

He added that he tries hard every day to be a forgiver: “but I am not fully there yet because human nature still plays itself out unconsciously at times but I don’t intentionally go out for revenge.”

For Simon Baba Audu, a humanitarian aid worker, taking the moral high ground is the best choice. “When we have been wronged, we experience feelings of betrayal, and consider retaliation to be justified. God calls us out of retaliation and into reconciliation,” he stressed. 

Audu explained that when we fail to forgive: “We are the ones who suffer the most. Anger, resentment, shame, bitterness, contempt, and defensiveness all synergistically build on top of one another, so every segment within us is held hostage with these emotions.”

Duke Ovie, a software developer, concurs with Audu, saying: “Forgiveness is the epitome solution for processing anger. It frees one from the entanglement of such infinite revenge so that you can completely experience a true feeling of joy and a clear mind.”  

He explained that: “Forgiveness liberates you from negativity, and does more for you than anyone else as it allows you to move forward. Forgiving might not totally dissolve anger or hatred but with it comes the freedom of knowing you are so much more.”

As the saying goes, ‘different strokes for different folks,’ when people are wronged, they react in different ways to get closure. Some people would go any length to exact their pound of flesh while some would take the moral high ground and let it go.

For those who choose forgiveness the words of Judith Orloff (MD) the author of ‘Freedom Today,’ says in an article; ‘The Power of Forgiveness: Why Revenge Doesn’t Work,’ for Psychology Today; that: “In my new book I emphasise the importance of forgiveness and why revenge doesn’t work. Forgiveness is the act of compassionately releasing the desire to punish someone or yourself for an offence. It’s a state of grace, nothing you can force or pretend. There are no short cuts. Mistakenly, some of my patients, wanting to be ‘spiritual,’ have prematurely tried to forgive after someone emotionally knifes them in the gut. First, you must feel anger before you can begin to forgive.”