Giving and taking advice

All things have been created by Allah (SWT) in twos as we can notice, for example, in the gender of plants and animals. In the subtle forces of nature too, we have day and night; light and darkness; positive and negative, etc. In the moral and spiritual world, we have mercy and justice, love and hate, right and wrong, knowledge and ignorance, etc. These and numerous other opposites are designed to fulfill their functions to the wonderful purpose of Allah (SWT). Everything, except Allah (SWT), has its counterpart or pair or complement. Allah (SWT) alone is one, with none like Him. Allah (SWT) affirms this in Qur’an 51:49 “And of everything we have created pairs that ye may receive guidance.”
As a member of a social group, man’s life on earth is full of such polarities. By God’s natural design, no one lives a life of perpetual joy without experiencing moments of grief. Even the rich, at certain moments in their life, also cry. ‘No rose,’ they say, ‘without thorns.’ As we walk and work on the pathway to destiny, we live through moments of happiness and sadness. In each of these two opposing circumstances, the friendly as well as the unfriendly, man in the case of the former requires the wisdom of others to remain grateful to Allah (SWT); or in the case of the latter, their admonition to remain righteous. Advice is therefore a necessary ingredient of a virtuous life.
Advice, also called exhortation or admonition, is simply a recommendation about what might be thought, said, or done to address a problem or manage a situation. Advice may pertain to relationships, lifestyle, business, education or career goals, religious beliefs, etc. It may be personal or of common interest. Advice may include consultations because the Prophet’s (SAW) life, private as well as public, was guided by mutual consultation. Allah (SWT) states in Quran 42:38 “…And (they conduct) their affairs by mutual consultation…” Since no advice is ‘all good’ or ‘all bad,’ it is important that we know when and how to offer or take advice.
The emotional state of the advisee matters if any advice is to serve the intended purpose. If, for instance, the advice is an intervention in a dispute in which two or more parties are boiling with extreme anger, it is preferred that the advisor delays the advice until when the advisees have calmed down. It makes more meaning when the advisee is not emotional. There are times, too, when it may be necessary to adjourn an admonition session in order to create better chances of the advisee accepting the options for overcoming his or her challenges. If, for example, the advisees are a couple who have some misunderstandings, the advisor may adjourn the session, especially if both parties to the crisis exhibit wild resentment. It is not for anything that judges in the courts sometimes adjourn hearings, particularly in divorce cases. This is to allow the fury in the disagreeing parties to die down in order to arrive at a peaceful resolution of their differences.
The extent of success or otherwise of an advisor’s task of admonition depends not only on how meaningful his exhortations are but more on the strength of his psychoanalytic skills. A good advisor is a good listener. Every situation should be considered unique as no two challenges even for one individual are likely to share the same underlying factors. A good advisor listens carefully to the one seeking his advice, asking questions where necessary. This will help the advisor to offer good advice as much as it will increase the chances of the advisee taking it. Besides, no one knows all he needs to know about a problem. Brainstorming with the advisee, at times, helps him or her to reach reasonable conclusions on his or her own.
Any advice that may lead to a worse situation than an alternative path is probably a bad one. Pros and cons of options that are plausible solutions to a crisis situation should be well thought-out before one is preferred above others. It is important to think long and hard of the consequences of the advice to be offered. This, thus, makes a case for advisors to be empathetic; remaining sensitive and putting themselves in the shoes of the advisee. Giving advice is more than just a commonsensical exercise as it involves helping a person sort through conflicting passions and choices.
Above all, an advisor must be seen to be honest. He must find a polite way of letting the advisee know of the potential shortcomings (if any) in a particular course of action being advised. He should also be sincere to declare to an advisee if he lacks adequate knowledge or information about the issue over which advice is sought. To be an honest advisor is also to ‘walk one’s talk.’ An advisor’s personality must not be seen to contradict his words of advice. It is most respectable that advice is given only when it is sought. It would sound ridiculous to beg to offer advice.
The Internet, with its far-reaching technology, has turned the world into a tiny community, smaller than ever imagined. Yet, utilising unrestricted contents from such a boundless and open information platform may have some negative corollaries. While no one would doubt or deny that the Internet is a source of vast information that cuts across diverse areas of human endeavour, it may not be an ideal place for seeking and obtaining good advice.
It is a privilege as well as a huge responsibility to be asked for advice. Good advice helps people to overcome challenges that confront them in life. Nonetheless, it is not binding on anyone who sought to be advised to take every advice offered. However, those who put Allah (SWT) first in all matters find guidance when they seek advice from others. Allah (SWT) states in Qur’an 87:9-11 that: “Therefore give admonition in case the admonition profits (the bearer),” the admonition will be received by those who fear (Allah), but it will be avoided by the most unfortunate ones. May Allah (SWT) guide us each time we seek or offer advice to others, amin.