Naija Politics of Miracles

But if you are mean spirited, you could say that the battle is between the north and south; or that it would be an epic battle between two archenemies – Islam and Christianity. Wherever you pitch your tent, you would not be wrong.
The PDP has put all its eggs in one basket. Faced with the convincing power of the rented crowd called TAN, the PDP has forced our usually reliable president, to swallow his promise not to seek a second (or is it a third) term. Without asking him, the party adopted him sole candidate daring anyone with arsehole rock ambitions to kick against the goads. The adoption of President Jones as PDP’s sole candidate makes him the man to beat come February.
On the part of the opposition APC for a while it seems as if someone tried to put them to sleep but only succeeded in making them dose off for a while. Anyhow politics is an incredible anaethesiologist. Not only is the upcoming presidential a wake-up call, it is redefining APC. This party was initially built for the Talakawa but with a presidential ticket at N27.5 million, what is poverty? The amount has discouraged stragglers. So far, only two have picked the form.
The first, Atiku Abubakar has a war chest that dates back to his days as a Customs officer and some would say further reinforced by two terms in the villa plus a chain of businesses, known and unknown. The other is General Muhammadu Buhari, the man whom Yokosuna recently declared a serial electoral loser. Buhari is having problems finding the cash to pay his way. Readers should note that the nomination fee does not include enormous campaign costs. So, is APC still a talakawa party?
Most kingdoms go to battle with their generals all reporting at the war room. I understand even armchair generals, those ones who got their promotions without smelling teargas since their days as recruits, show up. Faced with a major battle, according to the usually unreliable media, the PDP presidential war room is seven generals less. Over the week, Liebaron Maku led six of his colleagues out of weekly contracts and solid money. They are leaving to fulfill their dreams of becoming governors or, in military terms – platoon commanders. By leaving to contest as governors, Maku and his fellow dreamers have demoted themselves from generals to the rank of colonels.
That must be very hard for their field marshal but then they have asked for forgiveness. As far as electoral battles go, the Naija scenario is different from normal battles. Nothing of ours is normal. On the one hand, if the daydreamers realize their ambition, they would be laying the foundation for the realization of Vincent Ogbulafor’s prediction to ruin this nation for the next 60 years. If they hit and miss, which is what their political foes are praying, they can put their tails in between their legs and return as take a bow and loot returnees after the adventure.
Never tell a Naija politician that a ministerial appointment is higher than a gubernatorial one, one is appointive and the other is either elective or selective. Governors have siren immunity and security votes. Another anathema not to say to a Naija politician is – retirement, it causes hallucination. Third, never tell a Naija politician that he cannot win especially if they are PDP.
This deserter list is curious. Usually only performing public officers are encouraged to circulate until they have made efficiency contagious. Some of these ones are archetypal bunglers while others have not been heard from since they were sworn in to the day of their exit? Now they want to take on the management of entire states.
Forget gunrunning bishops for a moment, miracles are a dime a dozen without them. If you doubt me, check out Ayo Fayose, the Ekiti comeback kid. He was coasting into the Book of Miracles even before he was sworn in. With a pack of stomach-infrastructured thugs they sacked the state judiciary by donating slaps to judges. Shortly after taking oath, he made the office of SA on Stomach Infrastructure legit. Now they are working on a new mathematical calculus where seven is higher than 17 and with that formula they hope to install a Fayose-loyal Speaker. Believe me, it can happen.