‘Silence among couples means there is a problem’- Mrs. Nwaugo

Weekend magazine: How long have you been married?
Mrs .Goodness Nwaugo:  We have been married for 9yrs and 7 months now.
How did you meet your spouse and what attracted you to him?
We met at a gathering and his smile attracted me first.
Did you have problems with in-laws regarding consenting to the marriage?
Not at all. It was like everyone on both sides had been waiting for us to announce our intentions.
How many kids do you have?
We have three lovely children. Jeff, Jess and Jenn… and they are quite a handful for us. No dull moment with these three. We thank God for them.
What are the secrets to a good, long lasting relationship?
For us, it has been and will always be mutual respect, trust and pure love. No suspicious moments and grounds for it. We are just being ourselves… you know, just who we really are. No pretense.
Do you apply principles from your workplace in your day to day activities in your Marriage?
If I understand the question correctly, the answer is no! As am leaving my work place, I hang everything about it at the gate of the office and change into the ‘mum and wife mode’. This is because it is a whole different ball game at home. In the office, you can demand of someone to do something because your level is higher than his/hers. But at home, things are being demanded of you and you just have to carry out the demand. It is all about the love!
After years of marriage, what is that unique thing about your spouse that amuses you till date?
His never ending show of concern for both me and the kids… one would think that after some years together, he would  say to himself, ‘Please they can take care of themselves’ and that’s when  familiarity sets in; but it has always been like we just met the previous year… each year, it has always been like that. He still wants to know everything about everyone all the time.
How much of a role does emotional intelligence play in your relationship?
Emotional Intelligence plays a very important role in our relationship in the sense that we manage our emotions well enough not to let our actions be regretted or damages done even before we realize what we have done to ourselves.
Marriages come with a lot of challenges, what is it that has kept you going despite all the challenges?
Like I said before, mutual respect, two very different people coming together to stay as one is not easy. One’s views may not be the other’s perception of an issue. All l we do is try and merge both sides and come up with one very good decision. This has always been our guiding principle. We both never forget that no matter what one’s views are, they must be heard and some elements drawn from it to make things work.
What did your parents think about your partner when they met him and how did you handle it?
My parents took one look at him and thought he was just the right man for me. His parents thought the same too about me. I remember the first time I went to see his parents (my in-laws), I was shaking and was like, if they as much as give me one disapproval look, God knows I will just walk away from everything; but then, they accepted me immediately and it’s been wonderful since.
What are some of the biggest adjustments you have made in your married life?
I hate fish! My husband loves fish! For me, that is one of the biggest adjustments I have made. Aside from that, nothing much, every other thing falls into place.
What role has communication played in your marriage?
Communication has always played a very important role in our union. At every point in time, we let each other into the picture of what is going on and we try so much to talk to each other. This way, things and situations are made easier and no one gets hurts along the way. We talk so much about many things. The fact is, anytime he is not talking, I know there is a problem. Same goes for me too, if am not talking, he knows all is not right and we immediately try to find out what it is and try to make amends. Life must surely go on. The bottom line is that silence in marriage means there is a problem.
How did you incorporate traditions from childhood into raising your family? What type of new traditions did you encounter?
I try so much to incorporate traditions from my childhood into my family because I feel that if those traditions made me who I am today. I feel it is worth teaching my kids and bringing them into my family. One new tradition I started, but failed was the tradition of NOT having rice as LUNCH on Sunday. This one Sunday, I prepared yam and stew in the afternoon, and seriously, no one ate in the house. They all opted for caparison (my kids) and were all suddenly not hungry anymore.
How are household chores divided between  you and your spouse? Has it changed over the years?
(Laughs)! Household chores? Divided  between  us? Hmmm! All I can say is that it has not changed over the years… you should know who does more in the house. Women always do the best part of it and they do it better, so let it remain that way.
How do you deal with conflicts in your marriage?
Sincerely, we say our mind to each other. If there is a conflict, which will always come up, we just talk. Being a woman, I will just be allowed to run my mouth, and say my mind and if he is convinced that I was actually right, he will acknowledge and make amends, but if am wrong, he makes me see my grey areas and I quickly make amends too. We both have never believed in violence when conflicts arise.
How do you feel about your spouse now compared with when you first got together?
I feel like I just met him. Each day and year that goes by, I look at him and am like…’Thank you Lord for this friend indeed’
What advice would you give your child/grandchildren about finding a mate?
Simply, ‘be yourself and let God lead you to your mate’.
How important is trust and how will he or she know they can trust the one they are about to marry?
Basically, trust is one of the ingredients that hold solid a relationship and marriage. If one cannot trust his/her partner, then issues come up and problems begin to eat deep into the marriage. During the courting period, one should be able to know if they can trust the person they are about to marry. The heart will always…. always tell you that. For instance, from their actions and discussions, one should before marriage, be convinced that my husband or my wife can be trusted.
Many couples plan their wedding forgetting the main essence of the wedding. How can they learn how to get it right the first time around? What advice do you have for them?
Honestly, I cannot give a good advice on this one because we are still young and still planning for the rest of our lives. But  I can only say that at the right time, God will make a way for everything. We have always and will continue to believe this.
What is one experience you never want to encounter in your marriage again?
Dishonesty, I have grown not to attach ‘honesty ‘to his name and I would never want to experience a situation where I have to look dishonest in his eyes.