When is the right time for marriage?

When I visited Lokoja, the capital of Kogi State last week, there was heavy traffic on the road. I was later to learn that the gridlock was as a result of the wedding ceremony of a lady. Interestingly, the same bride had earlier gone in and out of matrimony a little over three months ago and was remarrying a different man that Saturday.
After hearing the story, I had to ask my sister-in-law if she was sure of what she was saying. Somehow, even without uttering a word, the looks on her face showed she was serious. The brief question and answer session we had made me to understand that the 18-year-old bride met her first husband four months ago and, after a month of courtship, decided to marry him.
First of all we should try to understand why people, especially teenagers, want to get married in such a rush. Marriage is not just rushing into matrimony for the sake or fun of it or to impress people around. Some go as far in getting married just because most their friends are getting married, so they do not want to be left out of the trend. Unfortunately, societal pressure is not helping matters because single ladies are made to suffer a form of stigma unnecessarily.
Most intending brides are not often advised to open their eyes to reality but they should be adequately briefed. This is because marriage is not a joke. I always ask prospective brides whether they are ready for what they are going into and what they want from life afterwards.
Interestingly, the reasons why people get married are as varied as they are revealing. Some say they want to protect themselves from committing sinful acts; others want to marry so as to escape the problems at home; some were honest enough to admit that it was a trend and they did not want to be the odd ones; while others say they want to love and be loved in return.
Abu Farouq, an Abuja based media relations expert, says “I remember what my late father told me about marriage, which went a long way to lessen the pressure on me when I was single. He told me that marriage is not something you rush into simply because your peers are getting married. It is also not something you refuse to do because those who did are complaining. Experiences will always be different. He advised me to be prayerful, and today I am not only married but happily married.”
Rahimat Abdullahi, who recently got married, says: ‘Those who said it (getting married) was an escape route from their unhappy homes and those who followed the trend are deceiving themselves. I think you should ask them if they eventually found complete happiness in their marriages.”
She said marriage itself is a different ball game and you can never run away from the trouble that comes along with it. “It is not like after you get married to your spouse, you both will joyfully skip into sunset and it’s living happily ever after. If you go into marriage with the same mind set, then your happily ever after is certainly not guaranteed. Pure happiness and tranquility can only be found if you put your mind to making the perfect home out of your marriage. Even at that, true and complete happiness can only be found in paradise. The best we can do is to work towards it by making the best out of our marriage here on earth.”
“Marriage used to be simple and modest in the past which made committing a sin extremely difficult. But today, committing sin is so easy and almost a welcome development. Getting married has become one of the most difficult tasks today because couples are not being sincere. The sexual and emotional desires of human beings are still the same as they were during the olden days. So if the situation is that it is very difficult to get married then we should not compromise with the situation. In fact, we should change it. We need to change the system and not compromise on desires,” says Maryam Abdullahi, a civil servant.
For Talatu John, a 25-year-old spinster, said is not one of those who are succumbing to the pressure to rush into matrimony, adding that “I am very hesitant to get married because of my experience right inside my parent’s house. My parents had to split and when they did I was very happy for them. It was clear, even to our neighbours that they were very unhappy living together under the same roof.”
She added that “So because of this, I want to be very, very sure that my marriage, when it comes, will be happy before I commit myself. For now, I am focusing on myself and my job.”
If your life before marriage was a mess then it is most likely going to be the same even after marriage, unless you are willing to adjust. In fact even those who had better past have their own challenges. The point I want to make here, therefore, is the need for us to be careful when it comes to selecting life partners. Life is bigger than marriage and we must live it out with or without marriage. However, if we try to clean our character and habits before marriage then we will be able to find a good partner and a peaceful marriage.
The best gift of God to us is a gift of proper husband or wife, who will make our faith grow and support us in every way. And that’s why it’s worth to wait for that special gift. Don’t be in a hurry, be prayerful and you will be glad that it’s worth to wait.