No poor country

I don’t know Maths, but if each of the big boys and girl (yes, what a man can do…); has a billion dollars at the prevailing exchange rate to the ratio of 176 million – there must be enough to go round. President Jones has fulfilled his mandate, which is to create billionaires as more people joined the club in the last twelve months. Come 2015 Naija will show our cousin, Barack Obama how to raise campaign funds – one cheque from the Naija Forbes club and President Jones is re-elected, unopposed.

Those who still feel that the non-appearance of their names on the Forbes list; is due to printer’s devil had better wake up from their nightmares and beat the devil. Aside from Aliko Dangote, who has maintained and increased his gross; this list practically subscribed to the federal character and even injected a splash of gender sensitivity. Dare we say that wealth is more gender friendly than the laity council of the Church of England that flatly refused the ordination of female bishops perhaps to spite the Queen of England who is the church’s grand patron.

Dangote shared his slot this year with a fellow Kanawa, Abdulsamad Rabiu skewing the score against Kano in favour of Lagos. The admittance of Folorunsho Alakija to the hitherto exclusive boys club is a first that would perhaps make the late Funmilayo Ransome-Kuti happy in the pantheon. This is where I must issue a note of warning to those who think that they can insult me with their miserable Naira millions. Just as Aliko Dangote redefined the value of PhD, those of us whose zones have produced more millionaires than others can dress down zones that just joined the league. There must be seniority in this thing now that it is expanding.

Agreed, each geopolitical zone now has a dollar-denominated billionaire. If a billion Naira falls on top of a billion dollars, it will be as visible as a fly perching on the trunk of an elephant. I hope that Dangote and others who come from non-oil producing regions would save their regions from embarrassment by donating supersonic jets for them to fly to Abuja for the beggarly monthly allocation instead of flying junks and crashing or driving and disturbing Naira billionaires. Besides, there is an urgent need to expand the hangar at the Nnamdi Azikiwe Airport in Abuja and the construction of helipads on all government lodges in Maitama and Asokoro.

I must warn those who go from Lagos to Adamawa, Cross River to Kano snapping fake pictures of children begging or learning on the floors or under trees to stop disgracing us. These factual pictures would convince neither the IMF nor the World Bank to forgive the new loans we are borrowing to make billionaires. Bretton Woods now know we are not poor. A nation that is producing billionaires with such frequency cannot fool the world that it needs external loans or forgiveness. It should source for it among its billionaires. The economic team has done a good job of creating billions for the wealthy and dry ideas for the poor. We must thank our stars that Madam Headgear is not on the side of Ralph Uwazurike with her Midas touch.

Henceforth, anybody who calls Naija a corrupt nation should be made to face the committee that cleared Farouk Lawan of any misdemeanour in hiding his $620 million dollar gift in his cap and the pockets of his na Annabi ya zo. Those who think that the title C-in-C means Commander in Corruption had better check with Lame Pat’s or be guilty of contempt acronyms. Our nation is best suited for the rich