Sacrifices should be precious in marriage

Marriage these days are not seen as a relationship that should be fought to be maintained by many couples. Many see it as a window of opportunity where your wishes and demands are always met without having to give back in the relationship. So in the eventuality of some demands or the marriage not up to the quota they might have envisaged they call it quits.

Most couples in this modern times and age forget that for a marriage to be worthwhile there are a lot of sacrifices that has to be made to make the marriage work.

“Marriage is all about sacrifice. It’s been ready to give up your own ideas or desires to make your partner happy. It’s giving and giving and giving again. Marriage is yielding, bending and melting together. Marriage is going the extra mile. Marriage is compassion; it is about preferring the happiness of another to yours,” Zakariya Gambo Saleh, an Islamic teacher says.

Hajiya Juwairiyah Saleh, a welfare officer based in Abuja, says in addition to sacrificing there is also something else we most all imbibe in ourselves if we have to move forward in our marriages. “As we sacrifice we also need to be contented with whatever we have in our marriage. If the virtue of satisfaction of being contented isn’t in us it will be difficult to forge ahead in marriage without problems. Sacrifice indeed is the foundation of a blessed marriage,” she said.

Most people would want to ask, what kind of sacrifice we are talking about here. It’s not all sacrifice in that sense.  If we define it as a big horrendous sacrifice like going to the extent of killing or injuring yourself then no one will want to get married.  Like one respondent said that it’s all about giving up your ideas for that of your partner. For me I would say it is not a process of giving up your ideas because if you do then you are indirectly giving up your purpose of being alive. It is rather a process of fusing them together with those of your partner. It’s difficult yes, but things by the God’s mercy and much dedication on our part it can work.

I believe that the misconception people have about marriage before they venture into it is what cause the major problem in the marriage. Marriage is an adventure, a path where no one but Allah knows will go. In marriage we learn new things, being able to think a different way from your partner is all part of the adventure where you both have to somehow settle at some point.

There are growing pains, there are fights, but it is our responsibility to make them productive fights. It is a chance to become a better human being. It truly hurts to see people believe it as a sacrifice in a negative way. No, it’s not. This kind of sacrifice is a maturation process where you know things will be tough but there is something very fruitful at the end, and that is a beautiful life when you reflect on all the sacrifices you have made to get to where you are in your marriage.

Also, it’s not the sacrifice that needs to be understood, it’s the significance. If the significance is understood, the sacrifice, compassion, love and all that will come naturally. The end thing is, if the significance is understood, then there is understanding, if there is understanding between the two, then there is love, natural sacrifice which doesn’t seem like sacrifice most of the time, naturally sets in.

As a friend, Mrs Basira Blessing Bello would always say “it is not about preferring the happiness of your spouse over yours; it is being able to share what makes both of you happy. If you are sacrificing and that is all you are doing, then this is not how marriage is meant to be. Marriage is about a balance where your sacrifices pay off in a certain way.”

It is true. Marriage is about give and take. What people tend to forget is that marriage, just like every other relation should be lived through total honesty, loyalty and above everything else, for the sake of God.

Marriage is a bond of two people it only works when both couples work according to the principles of marriage. Marriage is based on love, trust, understanding and compromise. It’s not a bed of roses, tests will come, but it is ‘half our deen’ hence fundamental part of our religion.

“Keep the marriage lit. Yes give and give like never before. You two should matter the most in your marriage.  There are certain things that should be overlooked in marriages both on the side of the women and the side of the men. Like for the men we all know they are polygamous in nature so why start a fight over that and for the women, it is normal that they never settle with mother-laws. But there are sacrifices that we can all make to make our marriages work no matter what. Sacrifices should play a major role and it should be deep and precious. Sincere and productive sacrifices never fail in marriage no matter what,” says Hajiya Fahima Hassan, a civil servant.

So make that sacrifice today and change your marriage for the better.