Every marriage deserves a chance

Marriage, it is said, is one school that you don’t ever get to graduate because every day there is a new lesson to be learnt. Also, many couples go into marriage with the notion that it will end up like the Cinderella ‘happily ever after’. Yes, there would be moments of joys and fantasies but in reality marriage also has its downsides.

When the ugly moment sets in, the world could come crumbling and different thoughts run through our minds. At that moment we feel we have made the biggest mistakes of our lives. But guess what? The ability of both couple to wade through the storm determines their zeal to remain together.

The good news is that there are always ways through which marriages could be sustained and even improved upon. Number one is patience. It is said that with patience every other thing falls in place in marriage. Have we ever wondered why newly wedded couples are always advised to have patience in their marriage? Mothers will always tell their daughters that patience is the key to a happy home. Yes, in some cases applying the said patience is one of the most difficult things to do. But when you sit back and look at it there is nothing patience does not solve. It might take years but at the end it pays off for good.

“The couples that are meant to be are the ones who go through everything that is designed to tear them apart and still come out even stronger than they were before. All this can only be achieved if patience is given a chance to play a role in a marriage,” says Mrs. Maryam Victoria Alhassan.

As human beings we love compliments, so it isn’t out of place for a spouse to compliment her partner from time to time. This goes to show that your partner is appreciated. Not complimenting your spouse might send a signal that you have lost all interest concerning how she/he looks especially compliments was something you always did before you both got married.

Praying together is another way in strengthening the marriage. This way you both call on God to take total control of the marriage. Another way to help your marriage wax stronger is to lower your expectations. If you expect too much from your spouse and he can’t provide such, then there is bound to be problems in the marriage. “Always comparing your spouse with others tends to create a disconnect in the marriage. Not all fingers are equal so why do couples always compare their partners to others. It is common with women who compare their husbands to other husbands. I always ask, do they know the means by which the other man makes his money? A man in his right senses knows his responsibilities and the rights of his wife but if he chooses to ignore them then its best to leave him to God for judgment than looking down on him thereby aggravating the whole situation,” says Adamu Muhammed, a civil engineer in Abuja.

For Umar-Farouq Kabir, a civil servant, “It is normal for little misunderstanding to prop up once in a while in marriage. Misunderstanding comes up in every aspect in life but we always find our way around it and move on with life. It shouldn’t be any different in marriage. Grudges in marriages do more harm than good especially if we hold it for too long. “It is best to try to resolve every grudge in a marriage before the next day. Carrying it over to the next day only eats up the affection between couples. In the first place has never done anybody any good. So why hold on to it in the first place. A prolonged grudge only signals dissolution of the marriage. That is what many refer to as ‘irreconcilable differences’ these days. Sad!”

In addition to that someone has always told me that whenever there is a misunderstanding between couples, the first to take a step towards reconciliation is the best while the one with ego and superiority complex gives room for the devil to act in his/her life.

Respect also plays a major role in marriage. If there is no respect in marriage then nothing works. Respect begets respect in marriage. In respecting your spouse you also learnt to accept each other’s flaws. There are some flaws that most times we just have to learn to overlook because that is the way the person was created. To able to overlook these minute flaws we have to change our own perception of looking at things. This way we change ourselves and learn to adjust to some certain things in life than trying very hard to no avail in changing our spouse. In trying to change our spouse we might end up making things worse which wouldn’t turn out well for the marriage.

We should also try to learn to enjoy each other’s company and privacy. Some people are of the habit of disclosing to others what they do with their spouse in the secret. They look at this kind of lifestyle as been the in-thing these days. Where some no good group of ladies sit to discuss their bedroom matters amongst themselves. This is also common with the men folk also. I ask if they have ever thought of how the other person would feel when he/she gets to know that whatever they might have done in privacy is out there for everyone to know. Disoriented!

As a reminder Prophet Muhammad (S.A.W) said: “One of the worst people in the sight of Allah Ta’ala on the Day of Judgment is a man/woman who was intimate with his wife and thereafter he publicizes it.” (Muslim #3542).

With these easy steps marriage with little thorns in form of challenges should come be one of joy and comfort. Remember marriage is never a bed of roses. Indeed, even if it were, we must not forget that roses do have thorns too! Every marriage deserves a chance for it to survive.