Some months back, a friend experienced one of the most devastating moments of her life. After a childless marriage of about eight years, she adopted and nurtured a child like her very own for 14 years. Four years ago she was blessed with a child of hers but she always saw this adopted son as her first child. All of a sudden things took a different turn.
I couldn’t understand the urgency in her voice when she requested that she needed to see me. My thoughts immediately went to her second child who has always had health issues. I hoped and prayed all was well with him.
When I arrived at her place, I was greeted with the most shocking revelations from her. Speaking in tears she said “What do I do now? What have I done wrong to deserve this from him… what do I tell his younger brother happened to him if he decides to leave…why did fate have to be so unfair to me at this stage in life…why did *** have to tell him he was adopted?”
She continued to cry even as she was asking so many questions. After a lot of effort to calm her down, she narrated what had happened.
Apparently, a relative who lived in the house with them had told the adopted son that he wasn’t really their son and was only adopted. The son then requested an audience with his parents and broke the bombshell. “Who are my parents? I want to meet my parents or better still their relatives.” At that point, as she narrated, the whole situation I had cold shivers. I had many questions running through my mind as she revealed that she and her husband had decided to tell him he was adopted when he turned 20, but as fate would have it they had a parrot of a relative who let the cat out of the bag when the child was only 14.
It has not really been easy for this couple as they try to convince him that it doesn’t matter if he was their biological child or not. The stigma associated with adoption is what the boy seems to be experiencing as explained by some people. These are some of the problems many couple who would love to adopt a child tries to avoid and in the long run end up not adopting a child.
Some see adoption as a taboo. They believe that God knows why some couples don’t have kids. But it not so, the orientation of the society has to be changed to accommodate adoption. Adoption is a legal process by which a couple takes the responsibility to raise a child who is not biologically related to them as their own. Adoption creates a permanent legal relationship between the adoptive parents and the child. Additionally, the adopted child has the same rights as any biological child.
Mrs. Biola Ajakaiye, a media practitioner in Abuja, says “people have their reasons why they adopt so it still baffles me when I hear that adopted children are sometimes stereotyped in some societies. Adoption is a noble gesture and the parents or couples that adopt kids should be supported and encouraged. For me adoption is a magnificent and noble gesture which only kind hearted souls can indulge in.”
A social welfare officer Mrs. Adeniran Olufunke says “social welfare is very well involved adoption cases. This we do to make sure that the adopted child is in good hands and the parents are capable of taking care of him/her. However, we always advise that while raising an adopted child, it could be fun and so can it be full of challenges. Adoption brings with it its shares of joys and problems. Which every couple that intends to adopt a child should be prepared for.”
Adopting a child can make a difference in an orphaned child’s life. On a broader scale the child gets security, love, happiness and parents which are needed in becoming a better and successful human being in future.
But as noble as adoption could be so does it come with its various challenges, the visible one being considered a taboo by some. Second is what most parents of an adopted child dread. That your adopted child would want to know about his real parents once he grows up, in this process the child may never be able to reconcile the fact that he was abandoned at some point in life by those who were supposed to love and protect him. On the other hand since adoption is mostly seen as a taboo in most societies the fear of how people will treat the adopted child is always present in the thoughts of the parents. Even the fear of whether the society will accept the adopted child will always torment the parents. Another problem is doubts as to when or whether to tell the child that he was adopted.
If you have to tell the child he was adopted, it is preferable you do that at an age where he can comprehend what the world is all about. Telling him he was adopted at a tender age could rattle him and prop up so many questions. A clear example is that of my friend’s son, who is demanding to know his parents and feels like an alien in the home.
Adopting a child could do wonders for you. It could bring joy and happiness to your family. People’s attitudes have changed and adoption is no more a taboo or an uncommon thing nowadays. Every child needs a family as it is the best place for any child to grow. But some children are not that fortunate. They have nobody to give them care and love. This makes them feel abandoned and neglected. Your decision to adopt a child can indeed be one of the most rewarding experiences in your life and a noble one too. Nevertheless, weigh all the positive and negative aspects before you make a decision.
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