What qualifies one to be a mother?

Wonders shall never end. On Monday I had a very disturbing experience listening to a radio programme in one of Abuja’s numerous FM stations. A woman featured on the programme confessed to abandoning her child when it was only four months old; she asked for help and forgiveness from the good people of Nigeria in an effort to regain the custody of the child.

According to the woman, she had to take the decision of abandon her child at that time because she could not bear the burden associated with brining up children all alone. The woman’s reason is subject to debate, but it sure represents the reality of today’s life. But is ‘unbearable hardship’ enough to make a woman abandon her child after carrying its pregnancy for nine months?

The opinion of individuals were sought to find out what they feel about this young lady’s plight and if the child should be given back to her now that she claims that she can take care of the child with her meager earnings of N5000 a month?

Mrs. Sadiq Muhammed Abubakar, a mother of three, says “This sounds pathetic. The woman sounds like one who has come to realise her mistakes. If the child must be given back to her then she must be made to write an undertaking that nothing of any sort will happen to the child again. She must also be made to report to the social welfare board with the child from time to time.”

Mrs. Fatai Lamidi, an Accountant, says “There are so many couples who have not been blessed with a child. There are also many others out there willing to adopt a child, while many others are ready to give their all just to have a child. She (the woman) is not fit to be called a mother. Age wise she is still a kid. She should give herself a break for she will definitely not get that child back, what if the child had died? Please this precious child should be placed in a loving family.”

Miss Mary Otubong says “The interest of the child should be a priority as of now; a link between a child and a mother is just biology. A mother starts being a mother when she starts acting as one. If that baby is given to her, I will not be surprised if she wakes up one day and decides the sell the child. I think we should be thinking about the best interest of the child.”

Mrs Amina Muhammed, a business woman, says “This girl deserves so much more, she deserves a family who will take care and love her unconditionally as well as give her a bright future. How does the biological mother intend to take care of the child with just N5000, she might end up just selling the child if it is given back to her. If she could abandon the child then when the expenses were nothing she will do worse now that the child needs more financial commitments.”

Mrs Ugochukwu Ngozi, a civil servant with the Ministry of Works, says “It is really sad and a huge reminder of the type of world that we live in, did she forget the pains she went through in trying to bring the baby to the world? If not for anything, the pain she went through alone should have forced her to endure anything and be with her child. Instead, she fell for the temptation to do it the easy way. I am sure she never thought she would see the day that the child would be mentioned in her life again. It is just a pity because she has lost the honour of being a mother in her life.”

Another mother Ameera Mulan says “I think the lady in question is a selfish loser and the child would be better off without her. At least she has survived all these while without the mother in her life. To be a mother is not just giving birth to the child but going through thick and thin for the sake of that child, then in future the child looks up to you with respect and dignity.”

Indeed, one of the worst things a mother can do is to abandon her child in the pursuit of worldly comfort. This is a silent epidemic that most mothers tend to embrace as an easy way out of life difficulties. There is no face to a mother who abandons her child. To fail at being a mother is a heart-wrenching burden that you carry with you for the rest of your life.

Having a baby, caring for your child and raising them into adulthood is considered to be a woman’s greatest achievement in life and would not want to be traded for anything in this world, not even life difficulties and temptations. It takes more than the ability to conceive, carry the pregnancy for nine months and give birth eventually to qualify as a mother, one must also be prepared to face the challenges that come along with motherhood.

In essence, a mother is not only the person who gave birth to a child, but someone who after giving birth makes every journey through thick and thin for the sake of her child.