Tackling friends of convenience

Amina Muhammed, an Accountant based in Abuja, says she is tired of being a friend of convenience and has this to say. “I’ve had this one friend for a long time. She was always off and on in our relationship and very self centered. I always put up with her attitude thinking that one day she would change and realize her mistakes. We have really not been as close as we used to be. We call each other once in a while to say hello. Lately she’s been calling me more often than usual but I know it’s not because she wants to talk to me. It’s because she has nothing to do or she needs something.

“As soon as something else comes up I’m history. I’m normally the nice friend who can never push anyone away but hers is one that I have endured for quite a while. I know she can never be there for me in my time of need, so I don’t see her as true friend as she is just a friend of convenience and I’m just tired of being a convenient friend.”

We all know that friends are important. They play a big role in how we see and interact with the world and most times our future is largely dependent on their influence. But we want to pause and look at who are our real friends and those who are just mere friends of convenience.

Are your friends really your friends? Are they supporting and enhancing your life or are they teaching you to think and behave in darker ways that you never thought you would? The company you keep is so important. How do we differentiate between a true friend and a friend of convenience? This might help…

“A true friend, when you are having a great time, they are with you. When things get rough they are still with you, during times of tragedy they see you through or at least give a listening ear. They try to make you happy and work towards your success and theirs while friends of convenience, when you are having a great time they are there but when things get rough they become scare of disappear so that you don’t get them involved in your problems. Friends of convenience always want something from you. They are always collecting and never giving. Once you don’t have anything to give you become an instant enemy. Friends of convenience always look for ways for your downfall if they are not getting anything from you as they expect. Friends of convenience are certainly friends of destruction” says Nafeesah Muhammed a Lagos based Businesswoman.

Here are a few signs to indicate that some of your friends are actually friends of convenience and not true friends. Do you gossip more about people when you are around such friends? Gossip is, unfortunately, the product of many friendships. Often times we meet with people and, after running out of things to talk about, we start talking about the mistakes that other people have made. Gossip is a terrible thing. One sure sign that your friends aren’t really your friends is when you find that you gossip more around them. You can also be sure that when you are not around you are also the topic of their gossip to other people.

We have some friends who leave us feeling more anxious, agitated and angry at the world. Then there is a big problem. Friends should bring out the best in you. They should help you to reach new heights, not bring you down with negativity. Take a look at how you feel during and after meeting your acquaintances and see what is going on with you.

If you feel like you have to be someone other than your normal self around your friends then chances are they aren’t your real friends. We all know this feeling.

Everyone has goals that they want to achieve. Whatever your goal in life is it should be supported by your friends. They should help you get closer and closer to this goal. If you find yourself growing further away from your goals then you should quit that relationship.

The type of company you keep is important. They influence you for both the better and the worse. Only you can decide the best thing to do. You know your own mind and behavior better than anyone else so if you can see changes going on for the worse you need to take action. Nobody else can take it for you. Friends of convenience have never brought any good for anyone and that’s a fact.