Getting your husband by your side

Like the woman, the man plays a very important role in the family. Every man is supposed to take part in the affairs of his family after dutifully providing for the family’s needs. It is, therefore, good for the woman to in a way persuade her man to take his responsibility in the family. In a full day, a man might not have that time to play around with the kids and/or go shopping with the family, but a family man finds even a little moment to prove his love for his family.

Being a woman, you should be able to create that welcoming environment at home for your husband, make him want to come back home. Even if it is that little dinner time when the whole family will sit together at a table, make it worth the while. There is nothing as precious as that little time the man spends with his family. This makes the whole family one strong indivisible entity.

Children do not just want mum to always take them to the games or movies alone. They father should take turn to do the same. This reduces the rate the children will ask about their father’s whereabouts. The man’s involvement helps in increasing the good qualities of the child. Granted that it is the responsibility of the woman to take care of and raise children, while the man provides for the family’s needs,   it is also very important for the man to be involved in every aspect of the family, including raising of children.

Researchers at the Columbia University found out that children living in two parent household with a poor relationship with their father are 68 per cent more likely to smoke, drink and use drugs compared to children in two parents household. This could be likened to the cause of street children in Nigeria. Encouraging a man to spend quality time with the children is also one of the ways a woman can make her man more involved with the family. This will go a long way in making the child feel loved and grow up in a healthy environment. It will help the child develop a good self esteem, moral values and help the child in learning how to live well in the society.  Maryam happens to be from a single home and shared her experience with us, she said growing up with a single parent has really affected her psychologically, it has made her perform poorly in school and has made her not free to discuss her family with friends, because it was so embarrassing to her. She added that it has also  affected the way relates with men growing up, because at time s she find herself looking for a father in a male friend, and trusting men became very difficult for her because of her background. Time is a valuable commodity and cannot be reversed. As a woman, even when it is not convenient, you and your husband should give your kids as much time as possible. A child should never feel like he/she is inconveniencing your life. Your marriage must learn to endure adversities to reach achievements. Your attitude towards adversity will determine your accomplishments. You and your husband have to partner together in order to make a good family.

Every woman who wants her man to be a family man must be a part of establishing the environment that will allow the bond which is a major part of the family. As a woman you should always put your home as number one in your priority list. That way, every family member will want to be present in that home.  If your house is in a bit of crisis, your husband will find more reasons to work late, stay away, or do something other than family matters. A home must be a place of peace where someone can walk into and feel comforted. It should meet the needs of every member of the family. When your house becomes a home, insecurity becomes a thing of the past because everyone can bring their problems home. Even your husband wouldn’t wait for his work to be over before he runs into a home of respect, harmony and security.  The quality time you and your kids get to spend with your husband shouldn’t be for solving problems or quarrels but for sharing laughter. Most men usually grow with the attitude of not doing anything because they grew up among women. And so, they do not feel the need to try and do anything, they only fix things when broken. This could even be because some men do not know how to do these things but have the interest. This is why a wife should be very observant of her husband. In trying to make your man be more involved with the family, be patient and teach him what he doesn’t know.

Mrs. Fatima Ismail is of the opinion that husbands should devote quality time to household activities. “I do not expect my husband to do the dishes or clean the house for me, but during his free time, he can help me”. Mrs. Fatima says that due to the part of the world that we are, the husband is seen as the provider of the home and so shouldn’t be disturbed about anything else.  “My husband always tries to create that time to talk to the kids when they need him and also give them some advice.  The only thing that would keep a man running home is when he knows he has a wife to console him and kids to make him smile, every woman should create that extra thing in their relationship that their partner will look up to.”  In the same page with his wife, Mr Ibrahim Ismail says “women are vulnerable and so they believe every burden should be placed on their partner’s shoulders. This should not be so looking at it from the angle of your wife being a helpmate. For a man to always come back to his and assist, he has to be rest assured that there is a bond that he shares with his family. “Apart from the responsibilities of bringing money home for fees and other things, I try to be more involved in my children’s lives especially in the aspect of their education. Me and my wife work as a team in doing certain things. Sometimes, I could go to the laundry on my way to work to drop off the clothes, while my wife would pick them up on her way from work”.

These things require a peaceful home. One should be able to differentiate a house from a home by those who live in it.