More and more women are sticking to their maiden names while some include both their maiden name and their husbands’ last name. But it appears to be a struggle for some women to decide which it is, either to stick or switch. Many have argued that the maiden name is the only thing that they take to their matrimonial homes as the man (husband) already has them; the best they can do to keep the memories of their parents is to stick with their family name. “I do not believe in changing my last name when I get married, even if I do not, it does not change me from being who I am and where I come from. And if I may, why does it have to be the woman to adopt her husband’s name? You know the world is changing, maybe the men should give it a trial and switch to their wives; name, let’s see the number of men who will adhere,” says Jane Nwasu, a beautician.
Steven Obin Odu, a computer analyst, says while he understand s it as a nice tradition, he has been married for some years now and his wife has been using her maiden name since. “Though we have never talked about it and since she is comfortable that way, so be it. But it would make me happier if she switched to my name.”
Ustaz Abdallah Musa, an Imam in Jabi, Abuja, says Islamically you are not under any obligation to change your name. “In fact, women are encouraged to keep their maiden names. You are and will remain your father’s daughter till the Day of Judgment and that is your birth identification. Your husband is your spouse, and your children’s father who will therefore take his name.”
Some people argue that if the woman truly loves her husband, taking his family name should not be a trouble for her. One of them is a civil servant called Sunny Emmanuel, based in Abuja. “It’s completely ridiculous. How can a man marry a woman and she insists on keeping her maiden name? Does she have a plan to leave him one day? I mean that is the only reason why she would want to hold on to her maiden name, knowing the fact that if they eventually get separated in future, it will be easy for her to continue life as a spinster again. Tell me, how can you marry a man and say you love him more than anything in the world and not be able to take his last name? Marriage is a 50-50 thing and any woman should be proud and happy to carry her husband’s name.”
Marriages traditionally include some key elements besides just name-changing. “The expensive wedding clothes and grossly expensive wedding party are some elements of the marriage that women do not object to. And you see that is my problem with them, if they are going to object to a name-change, why not object to all others, after all marriage is all about compromise, is it not?” asked Ndubisi Chukwuemeka, a businessman.
But Ronke Ahmed, a caterer, said: “When we are born, we are given a name. Some of us may even have built a career with that name and got recognition in our field. How can we be expected to give it up so easily? Respect for the spouse or their family clearly has nothing to do with it. I like my husband’s name very much but still, it’s not mine. My name really is part of who I am. To me it’s not a sign of disrespect in any way to the man.”
Of course, not all women feel the same way about their names. Some may not be crazy about their surname to begin with, and welcome the opportunity to change it. Others believe that having the same name as their husband makes them more of a family and view the new name as an important symbol of a journey they are embarking on together. As long as a woman is conscious of her choice and doesn’t succumb to the tradition blindingly, there should be nothing wrong with switching to the husband’s name or sticking to hers.
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