When to compromise in a relationship

When a husband and wife or close friends are both strong-willed, it would be challenging reaching a compromise. Taking decisions would become a problem. It is a fact that reaching compromise is one difficult task most women face in their marriages, becoming a threat to the stability of the marriage, home front or friendship.

To be able to make it in life, a lot of compromise is needed, as there are many occasions where we have to take decisions from informed perspectives. Maryam Salihu, a schoolteacher, said: “One of the main things that creep into our minds while taking a decision is whether we are compromising or not. Mostly, because of how complex we are, we forget what compromise is all about.” She also said it happens when standards are set and are not met.

Ibrahim Audu, head of the Marriage Counselling Unit of an NGO in Asokoro, said life is never perfect. She added: “We might have something planned and it comes crashing down on us and we are forced to make new plans. We might not all be as lucky as some people will have their plans rolled out the way they have expected. For those of us whose plans do fail, we have no option than to compromise to a very great extent to make things work for us.”

Compromise is something we all eventually have to discover as one of the pillars in sustaining life.  It involves two parties, one giving up something they want for the benefit of the other.   These days you find that compromise is neglected, as many feel if they engage in it, they are giving up a right. This, once imagined, poses a great threat to any relationship. Munirat Ahmed, a housewife, said it is not the easiest thing in the world to do. “For married couples, it sounds good on paper, but it is one that you must be willing to adopt and make use of in your life for things to go well.”

How do you achieve compromise without resentment? First and foremost, understand that agreeing to disagree is sometimes an option. If you agree to disagree, then don’t hang onto any anger or resentment. We have heard or read several times that marriage or any other relationship is about give and take. In a relationship, it is not always possible for either persons or parties to always have their way. Of course this works much better if both people get to experience both giving and taking in turns.

Compromise is not about giving up but about doing things in different ways to see to the possibility of a better outcome. It has become very necessary in most of our dealings in life. It is important to realize that without compromise, arguments could flare up easily and feelings of resentment could set in, thereby bringing a wedge between whomever it is we have failed to reach a compromise with. It is like finding a common ground where we find balance in our lives to be able to forge ahead.

One can never live alone in a society, so when you have to live with others there has to be a certain amount of give and take. Adjustment in life is the same for everybody, as long as things will be balanced up. Finally, compromise is part of the game of life, which everyone has to play at different stages in our lives.