Christmas cheer for the weary soul!

SOCIALISM; You have 2 cows: You give one to your neighbour.

COMMUNISM; You have 2 cows. The State takes both and gives you some milk.

FASCISM; You have 2 cows: The State takes both and sells you some milk.

NAZISM; You have 2 cows. The State takes both and shoots you.

BUREAUCRATISM; You have 2 cows. The State takes both, shoots one, milks the other, and then throws the milk away.

TRADITIONAL CAPITALISM; You have two cows. You sell one and buy a bull. Your herd multiplies, and the economy grows. You sell them and retire on the income.

AMERICAN CORPORATISM; You have two cows. You sell one, and force the other to produce the milk of four cows. Later, you hire a consultant to analyse why the cow has dropped dead.

FRENCH CORPORATISM you have two cows. You go on strike, organise a riot, and block the roads, because you want three cows…..LOL

JAPANESE CORPORATISM; You have two cows. You redesign them so they are one-tenth the size of an ordinary cow and produce twenty times the milk. You then create a clever cow cartoon image called ‘Cowkimon’ and market it worldwide.

GERMAN CORPORATISM; You have two cows. You re-engineer them so they live for 100 years, eat once a month, and milk themselves.

ITALIAN CORPORATISM; You have two cows, but you don`t know where they are. You decide to have lunch.

RUSSIAN CORPORATISM; You have two cows. You count them and learn you have five cows. You count them again and learn you have 42 cows. You count them again and learn you have 2 cows. You stop counting cows and open another bottle of vodka.

SWISS CORPORATISM; You have 5000 cows. None of them belongs to you. You charge the owners for storing them.

CHINESE CORPORATISM; You have two cows. You have 300 people milking them. You claim that you have full employment, and high bovine productivity. You arrest the newsman who reported the real situation.

INDIAN CORPORATISM; You have two cows. You worship them.

BRITISH CORPORATISM; You have two cows. Both are mad.

IRAQI CORPORATISM; Everyone thinks you have lots of cows. You tell them that you have none. No-one believes you, so they bomb the **** out of you and invade your country. You still have no cows, but at least now you are part of a “Democracy”

AUSTRALIAN CORPORATISM; You have two cows. Business seems pretty good. You close the office and go for a few beers to celebrate.

NIGERIAN CORPORATISM; You have 2 cows. Your son is sent home from school for school fees. You have no option but to sell the cows. On your way to the market with the cows, police ask you for the receipts of the cows They wasted your time and you eventually paid N1,000. You sell the 2 cows and head to the bank to pay your son’s school fees. At the entrance of the bank armed robbers strike and collect all the money. You return home empty handed but happy to be alive. You give the testimony in church the next Sunday.

MY OWN UPDATE:

New Western Capitalism; You go all around the world robbing other nations, killing their good leaders and imposing your stooges.  You collect the wealth of Asia, Middle East, and Africa, but a few of your super-rich people (bankers, weapons dealers etc)  sit on all the money, impoverishing even their own people.  Then you announce that you are broke all the same, and go on another round of expedition, toppling governments around the world, causing wars and crying that the Africans are unnecessarily increasing world population.

New Western Democracy; You give your people the impression that they need to be ‘free’.  They stupidly believe that they are not free, forgetting that freedom is in the head.  You then get your banks to grant your people different types of loans from which they will never be free!  They take house loans, car loans, consumer loans.  You then input fear in their hearts that things will go wrong and that they need insurance.  They then overinsure everything they have such that they become broke all the same.  You sell democracy as the twin brother of capitalism, you ignite people’s greed.  They think they are free, but they are more mistaken than ever.  They are entrapped in reality shows, television, cinema, Hollywood, and sports like Soccer and Basketball.  They spend their hard-earned meager income, and their active lives, ‘supporting’ their clubs.  By the time they realize their mistakes, their lives are gone!  And they die as ‘Les Miserables’…  You then package this crazy system, and sell it to Africa so that you can continue to milk the continent and its people, who keep trooping to your country, to be insulted, and to do the most undignified of the jobs!

Chinese Capitalism; You shut in your system, undergo a cultural revolution, dictate the number of children your citizens can have, get them to be productive and teachable, while restricting their greed, and Kaboom!  The world realizes that you just swindled them in the game of capitalism and globalization!  Nine million bicycles disappear from Beijing to be replaced by Rolls Royces.  You then go around the world, especially to Africa, to obtain more raw materials to further feed your industrial development.  Poor Africans!

Nigerian Capitalism; You run your system without plans.  You hope that the future will be bright simply based on superstitions.  You breed comedians, footballers and musicians and your young citizens become layabouts, yet you claim that your future will be bright.  You end up with an unwieldy government of charlatans, who spend all your resources aggrandizing themselves at the expense of your citizens.  You watch as your best leaders are killed off by foreigners.  Your so-called heroes are those who have sold off your patrimony to foreigners.  Your highest echelon in government is occupied by agents of foreign secret organizations, yet you wonder why things are not working.  You push all these problems aside, throw another large party, remove fuel subsidy and budget a mere N1billion to feed your president and his deputy!

Merry Xmas!