Creation: A man said to his wife one day, “I don’t know how you can be so stupid and so beautiful all at the same time.” The wife responded, “Allow me to explain. God made me beautiful so you would be attracted to me; God made me stupid so I would be attracted to you!”
Words: A husband read an article to his wife about how many words women use a day…30,000 to a man’s 15,000. The wife replied, “The reason has to be because we have to repeat everything to men. The husband then turned to his wife and asked, “What?”
Man first: God may have created man before woman, but there is always a rough draft before the masterpiece!
Talk about husband: One woman told another, “My neighbour is always speaking ill of her husband, but look at me, my husband is foolish, lazy and a coward; but have I ever said anything bad about him?”
Love your enemy: From his death bed, the husband called his wife and said, “One month after I die I want you to marry Samy.” “Samy! But he is your enemy!” “Yes, I know that! I’ve suffered all these years so let him suffer now.”
The Silent Treatment: A man and his wife were having some problems at home and were giving each other the silent treatment. Suddenly, the man realized that the next day, he would need his wife to wake him at 5:00 AM for an early morning business flight. Not wanting to be the first to break the silence (and LOSE), he wrote on a piece of paper, “Please wake me at 5:00 AM.” He left it where he knew she would find it. The next morning, the man woke up, only to discover it was 9:00 AM and he had missed his flight. Furious, he was about to go and see why his wife hadn’t wakened him, when he noticed a piece of paper by the bed. The paper said, “It is 5:00 AM. Wake up.” Men are not equipped for these kinds of contests!
Love to do: A wife, one evening, drew her husband’s attention to the couple next door and said, “Do you see that couple? How devoted they are? He kisses her every time they meet. Why don’t you do that?” “I would love to,” replied the husband. “But I don’t know her well enough.”
No Answer Back: A man was telling his friends, “When my wife is infuriated, she starts shouting at me, my children and even at our dogs and nobody dares answer her.” One of his friends asked.”And when you are angry, what do you do?” The man replied, “I also shout angrily at the windows and doors of the house and none of them dares to answer back.
W for Worry: All the worries get initiated with “W”…Who? Why? What? When? Which? Whom? Where? War…Wine…Whisky… Women…Wealth….And finally …….agreeable or not……WIFE!
Searching for answers: Searching these keywords on Google `How to tackle wife? Google search result, `Good day sir, Even we are searching`.
He: Hi. Didn’t we go on a date once? Or was it twice?
She: Must’ve been once. I never make the same mistake twice.
He: Haven’t I seen you some place before?
She: Yes. That’s why I don’t go there anymore.
He: Where have you been all my life?
She: Hiding from you.
He: Is this seat empty?
She: Yes: and this one will be if you sit down.
He: Will you go out with me this Saturday?
She: Sorry, I’m having a headache this weekend.
He: Go on, don’t be shy. Ask me out.
She: Okay, get out.
He: I think I could make you very happy.
She: Why? Are you leaving?
He: What would you say if I asked you to marry me?
She: Nothing. I can’t talk and laugh at the same time.
He: Can I have your name?
She: Why? Don’t you already have one?
A wife was making a breakfast for her husband. Suddenly, her husband burst into the kitchen. ‘Careful,’ he said, ‘CAREFUL! Put in some more butter! Oh my gosh! You’re cooking too many at once. TOO MANY! Turn them! TURN THEM NOW! We need more butter. Oh my gosh! WHERE are we going to get MORE BUTTER? They’re going to STICK! Careful. CAREFUL! I said be CAREFUL! You NEVER listen to me when you’re cooking! Never! Turn them! Hurry up! Are you CRAZY? Have you LOST your mind? Don’t forget to salt them. You know you always forget to salt them. Use the salt. USE THE SALT! THE SALT!’
The wife stared at him. ‘What in the world is wrong with you? You think I don’t know how to fry a couple of eggs?’
The husband calmly replied, ‘I just wanted to show you what it feels like when I’m driving.’.
Why are wives more dangerous than the Mafia? The mafia wants either your money or life… The wives want both!
Marriage is like a public toilet; those waiting outside are desperate to get in & those inside are desperate to come out.
No man can ever be satisfied with 4 things in life. (1) Mobile (2) Automobile (3)TV (4) Wife…… Because there is always a better model in the neighbourhood.
Compromising does not mean you are wrong and your wife is right. It
only means that the safety of your head is much more important than your ego!
Imagine living with three wives in one compound and never leaving the house
for five years! Osama Bin Laden must have called the US Navy Seals himself!
It takes thousands of workers to build a castle, million soldiers to protect
a country, but just one woman to make a happy home ——— A Good Maid!
Funny quote on a husband`s T-Shirt: All girls are devils, but my wife is the queen————of them all!
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