It is not by chance that nature conferred this superiority to man, it is to ensure a balance and lay a fundamental rule for natural equilibrium. Where there is no apparent leader, there will be chaos. One, therefore believes that it is not a male conspiracy that politically or even in the home front, man is conferred with leadership roles. That is why women are left craving for 35% affirmative action. Even in Western countries where women fly high, in the deep recess of their society, they unwillingly succumb to this natural order of things.
True, women do excel in any given field and even beat the men to it if given the chance. This is because this natural superiority is not about intelligence or good judgment; it is about having a leader all the time for the sake of civilization to thrive.
A good leader guides and allows his followers to grow and achieve their optimum success. He uses his mandate too to elicit good followership. True, some leaders are poor in human resource management and lack the foresight in grooming their followers for meaningful development. Some leaders kill their followers’ initiatives and reduce potentials for necessary growth and satisfaction into frustration. Perhaps due to insensitivity, lack of foresight or sheer chauvinism, some men wield power wrongly and turn willing followers into rebels. What does someone who finds himself or herself under such a leader do?
Some wives face the undue hardship of having to contend with their husband’s opinionated and erratic ways. They are forced to remain silent and bear his misjudgment even when such a decision weighs her down mentally and emotionally. Talking such men out of their small world becomes nearly impossible. Thus an abode that is supposed to be a home of bliss becomes a house of horror.
The religion of peace, for instance, ordains that the wife shall obey her husband and where her interest clashes with his, she is advised to take a bow and let his wish be unless it infringes on the laws of the Maker. This is for the sake of peace to reign in the house. The Prophet of Islam said a woman’s paradise lies at the feet of her husband meaning her allegiance to him is solicited. But what happens when the husband turns haywire and becomes a monster determined to make his wife live in a dungeon for the rest of her life?
Because some men might take their liberty too far, the Creator of the universe did not leave woman without an option. This however will be discussed later. It is worth being asked though, did the Creator, by His decree that the wife should bend to her husband’s demand, desires woman to be a sacrificial lamb? Should she forever bear the cross of holding the home as one? Is she expected to be the only party that makes sacrifices for the sake of peace in the home? Is she permitted to dream and pursue such a dream legitimately?
How many men and women have truly reflected on the fact that men are made stronger both physically and emotionally not because the Lord of man wants him to lord it over woman but to facilitate her growth through his emotional strength and supposed stability which places him in the position to make sacrifices when the need arises? For instance, when a woman’s so called emotional imbalance begins to rock the foundation of the house, shouldn’t the man then apply his emotional superiority to choose between the better of two extreme options? Yet, some men instead resort to using tactics capable of breaking the woman, suppressing each of her prayer to fly, chocking her with irritable arm-twisting fights.
Is he emotionally stronger who descends on crushing the weaker ones because, he needs to convince them that he can do so? By his advantage, the man is supposed to rescue the woman from her own self and the wrath of the Maker and not to drive her to same. That will be counterproductive which some men seem to prefer.
Let’s take for instance a woman who wishes to pursue a legitimate business which her husband willfully negates to on every occasion. The woman continues to bear it patiently and also bear all the burdens that come with the decision, yet he refuses to budge. Without a convincing reason, the man continues to say no to her legitimate demands until push comes to shove. Apparently irked by his gimmicks and punches to her face and underbelly, the woman now decides to fight back and takes a suicidal step! Now, who bears the guilt of bringing such a family to its knees? Is it the woman? In the first place, is she expected to be the emotionally more stable, calculative and calm one in the face of crisis? Where then is the man’s emotional strength? And what is the purpose of same? Who, in the first place, heated up the relationship that produced the unruly defense? Physical strength cannot deter a woman from being rebellious, the Prophet advised this much. He said a woman cannot be corrected by the use of force, one will break her, neither could she be guided by indifference, she will continue being crooked. He advised “ treat her kindly”.
Instead, some men divert to pressure tactics, threatening and cursing the wife for disobedience. Unknown to such men, it only helps some women in growing thick skins, especially when the eyes are blinded with rage and she is not convinced she is doing the wrong thing.
Let’s revisit the aforementioned example of the woman being frustrated from pursuing a legitimate dream. There is nothing wrong for a woman to pursue a legitimate preoccupation, dream or means of livelihood under the sharia as long as both parties agree to it and as long as the fruits of that marriage are not exposed to jeopardy.
Mutual understanding is one of the conditions that make a woman’s desire to be gainfully employed legitimate without which the reverse is the case. For refusing to grant her this permit or privilege, so to say, the husband is at the risk of reducing his marriage relationship into that of servitude which indeed is like a sand-storm waiting to over shadow the blissful bright sun. And when that happens, many men resort to cursing. Under any system, especially in Islam, the partners in marriage are supposed to assist each other from erring – and not one party to push the other to a tight corner. It ought not to be where one party expects only the other to make the needed sacrifices. Both stand the chances of reaping equal amount of reward for making sacrifices for each other.
Besides, does one curse what he sincerely values? A mother for instance would never pray calamity to befall a wayward child. Even on her death bed, a mother’s prayer for such a child would probably be something like this, “Oh Creator of the universe, forgive my child, guide him/her aright for he knows not what he is doing and you are the Forgiving, the Merciful, You are the Wise.” This is the true meaning of love; not vindictiveness. If a wife was under her parent’s tutelage, would they wish calamity to befall her for any reason? Why should the man who promised them to safeguard and protect their daughter now turn into her angel of doom; praying that she experiences the worst calamity for disobeying his order while looking out for the moment she will come to ruins for this! Being dictatorial is not the best strategy for bringing respect to one’s self. A show of concern, willingness to dialogue and compromise do it better.
Hence, how many married men truly deduce the import of the Prophetic saying, “best amongst you are those who are best to their wives?” It silently means a man determines the mood of his family through softness of character towards them. A gentle, lenient, principled but understanding husband produces a happier, secured and contented wife. An appreciative, happily obedient wife trains and begets a confident progeny, while a self assured and happy progeny translates into a successful family which is both a pride and credit to the leader of the household. Fragrance, they say, remains in the hands that give the rose. Therefore, good attitudes provoke a woman’s submissiveness; what blind harshness does not bring. And this negativity has consequences too. How many married women have been turned into nuns in their matrimonial homes? An obedient and pious wife can surrender herself to her husband like a sacrificial goat and ends there. This is because frigidity is a natural consequence of depression and other related psychological illnesses. Little wonder then why many married men are promiscuous? Thus, should the husband treat his legitimate wife with half the ease and relaxation he does to those flings outside matrimony, one can assure him of seeing a remarkable transformation from her.
Thankfully, because the Creator of man knows there shall be those who would misuse their leadership roles to infringe upon the lives of His female faithful servants, He created an outlet for her if the cross becomes too heavy for her to bear. It is not His ultimate choice however but rather than live a life of destruction and regrets, the Wise Master of the worlds, permits the wife to take a bow out of matrimony if she cannot bear his punches anymore and to return his dowry so that the man can remarry. Isn’t this one of the beauties of God’s system of justice?
However, stable homes are bricks in building a stable society. With so many shaky and crisis ridden homes comes a shaky and crisis ridden society. That is why divorce is not the Almighty’s preferred option. It is therefore the responsibility of both parties in matrimony to settle their differences amicably and with in-depth understanding and compromise in such a way that both will be happy at the end of the ordeal. Swearing and condemning are not the perfect solutions, neither is stubbornness nor holding the gun. Couples who choose this war path most often regret their actions later when the hurdles are finally crossed. Make your spouse’s face radiate with joy, it shall reflect on yours.
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