Sex education: Whose responsibility?

In spite of the increasing number of news reports about child molestation, there is a reluctance to talk about the issue of children being sexually educated from as early as possible. Some people say it is the responsibility of the parents, while others say it is the responsibility of schools that should have it in their curriculum.

Whichever way the pendulum swings, one thing remains certain – children should have sex education and be conscious of the hazards looming in the society with the rise of perverts committing the most obscene assaults and crimes on women and children.

Talking to a child about sex and sexuality issues is what a lot of parents do not do because many feel embarrassed to discuss such with their kids. In as much as kids could end up spending more time in school amidst their teachers than they do at home with their parents, it still falls back on parents to initiate sex talk with their kids or compliment what the kids have heard from their teachers.

According to Patricia Wass in her guide for parents to teach their children personal safety rules to reduce the risk of sexual abuse, “children and teens need good information about sex, sexual relationships, reproduction, birth control, sexually-transmitted diseases and sexual abuse. Information is power and in this high-risk day and age, children and teens need all the information they can get. To withhold information about sex and the possibility of sexual abuse as well as information about reproduction and disease puts children at risk.”

She emphasised that, “Refusing to talk about sex does not mean that children are safe or that nothing bad will happen to them. Only by opening up the discussion about sex and beginning to talk to children at a young age will we ever be able to protect them from abuse. Ultimately, until when knowledge on sex and sexual abuse are widespread that perpetrators will be held accountable. Only then will our society be truly able to prevent one of the most tragic things that can happen to a child,” she said.

It is clear from this that sex education is more than a manual for sexual activities but actually prepares the child and raises an alertness in him or her for any future mishap. To an extent, it could be regarded as a security measure.

Talking about sex is a taboo in many families; if a child can’t talk about healthy sexuality and normal bodily functions comfortably, how can they ever relate an incidence of sexual abuse to her superiors? If parents get hysterical when they find their children touching themselves or exploring each others’ bodies out of normal curiosity, how do they get the courage to tell their parents that Uncle Fred or Grandpa or Uncle Frank next door has touched them inappropriately or worse? Children pick up very subtle cues from their parents; if sex is never talked about or if parents have reacted disapprovingly to any mention of sex or sexualised behaviour with their children, then children will be very reluctant to tell if they’ve been abused.

Sex education for kids is very important and parents need to take it upon themselves to teach their children personal safety rules to reduce the risk of sexual abuse. The statistics are staggering and even more alarming is the fact that most assaults are committed by someone close: a parent, a sibling, another relative, a family friend, a neighbour, a teacher, a house help. The list could go on and on.

The unfortunate thing is that most times, the victims are unable to talk about their experience because they have been threatened by the assaulters or are simply scared of talking about it to their parents who have not established such a rapport. If as a parent, you begin to talk to your children about the existence of such situations, he/she is likely to recognise the very first sign of danger whenever someone makes advances at them. They will report the situation to you immediately and talk to you comfortably about it like a friend. For those who may be psychologically traumatised, talking to you could be the perfect therapy they need to heal.

On Islamic Information and Product site, Soundvision, parents are advised to build a good relationship with their children. Proper sex education can only be given if the correct messages are being sent explicitly and implicitly by parents. There has to be openness, not a rigid and dogmatic atmosphere at home.

“I’m talking about a loving relationship at home between the parents,” says Khadija Haffajee, an Islamic activist and a retired school teacher from the Ottawa-Carleton region of Canada. She has spent about 30 years working in the public school system. “That there’s love between the parents, there’s affection. They [the kids] can see this, how they talk to each other, the respect that’s there.”

The site urges parents to add more to sex education than telling their son or daughter, ‘don’t do it until you get married. Topics like menstruation, sexual changes in adolescents, Islamic purity after various types of uncleanliness associated with sex also should be discussed.

If one is not sure of his or her facts, such persons are advised to get some help from a knowledgeable religious person, as well as books that serve as guides for parents.

Be capable of providing exact references from the Qur’an, Sunnah and valid Islamic authorities on relevant topics (i.e. birth control, boy/girl relationships, etc.) while the Bible and numerous Christain literature will serve same purpose for Christian adherents.

On the same note, if in the course of your conversation your child asks you something which you are not sure of, don’t shy away, confirm and check it out then respond.

It will be hard to talk about sex for many parents, but they should not hide this from their kids. Experts recommend parents to say, “If I sound nervous or uncomfortable, just bear with me,” in the course of their conversation.

This stresses the seriousness of the topic and the importance of what you want to say. The fact that this is so difficult for you, yet you are going forward with it, emphasises your child’s need to listen.