Are parents perfect role models?

In the words of Dr. Magaret Paul, author of Do I Have To Give Up Me To Be Loved By You? “Whoever coined this phrase didn’t know much about children. Children often do not “do as we say.” Others in this line of thought say “it is intended to get parents off the hook for any less-than-perfect behavior and dissuade kids from mimicking said behaviour.”

As far as children are concerned, parents are their role models and determine how they feel about and treat themselves as well as other people they come in contact with. Being the perfect role model to your children is also a determinant of how and whether or not they learn and know how to take responsibility of their personal lives, their emotions and management of their finances and other facets of their lives.

There is no bigger role model than a parent; and kids watch and learn from what they see parents do. If you want your child to grow up being responsible and reliable, as a parent you have to start being reliable and responsible yourself. You cannot preach the steps to possessing such a characteristic without practicing or living out these steps. If you want your children to turn out as honest adults and people who can be taken for their words, you have to start keeping your promises and not making declarations that are beyond you. When you default on your promises without reasons that are obvious enough for them to understand, they are likely to first start by disbelieving anything you say. If you go on in this manner, they may then begin to see it as normal to make pronouncements and withdraw them when they find it convenient or not bother about them at all. And their justification may be, it is what daddy does or mummy does. And you know with the majority of children parents can’t go wrong with anything.

Something for parents to be very careful about is what they say in the presence of their children, the remarks they make about other people and the kind of language they use. You’ll be amazed as a parent when you hear your child’s version of these words and statements. It would embarrass you even more if he decides to repeat or mimic what he has heard you say at the right time but in the wrong place with the wrong crowd in attendance. In her article entitled “What kind of example am I to my child?” Barbara C. Unell narrates the story of Cathy.

“Our dear friend Cathy once told us one of our favorite childrearing stories. It goes like this: One hot summer evening, Cathy had a fun-filled dinner party, complete with families, friends and neighbor children. But after her friends left, Cathy’s 3-year old-daughter exclaimed, “Oh, am I glad they’re gone!”

“I asked myself, where my little girl learned to talk like that!” Cathy told us. It didn’t take her long to realize that her daughter was repeating the same words that Cathy had said to her husband on a previous occasion, after company had left their house. “Now I know I have an audience who likes to mimic,” Cathy said with a laugh, I’d better choose my words more carefully!”

Unell goes on to advise that  “from the moment you hold your precious newborn; your every move becomes a model for the way the world operates. What power lies in that modeling! Consider all the things your child watches you do in the course of a single day: brush your teeth, greet your partner, talk on the phone, use a napkin, and wear a seatbelt. The list goes on and on.”

Much as children are quick to pick and imitate bad habits, they are also quick to pick the good ones that are evident in our everyday life and grow up with them.

As young as a day old baby, your child knows when he is being cared for and loved. He also responds to it. If there is an adult who shows him love asides his parents he knows and will respond to it accordingly. In essence, if you want to have a child who appreciates and shows love, start being loving to him and loving to people around you especially and even pets you keep at home. You’ll be surprised what your child makes out of it once he can get about on his own.

He will remember to feed that pet because he sees you do it all the time. He will know that it is right to be respectful to others regardless whether they are the driver or house help because they see you being polite and decent to them even though they are on your pay roll.

Something very vital you may want your child to know is how he can handle frustration.

Unell suggests that, “One of the most important tools you can teach a toddler is how to tolerate frustration. Being a pillar of patience at all times is far from easy, but responding to an upset child by getting upset will not help her learn how to calm herself. So keep your cool by giving yourself a break. During the inevitable temper tantrum, like when your little one doesn’t want to go to bed, calm yourself down with this simple self-talk: “I don’t need to get upset just because my child’s upset.” Keep these words handy. You may need them often as your child develops his own tools for handling frustration and delaying gratification, and learns all the lessons of childhood that will help him cope with the ups and downs of life.”

Role modeling is a basic tool through which a parent can teach his child good behaviour. So be careful what you model before your child, you never know what he will choose to retain in his memory forever.