Are men and women competitors or partners?

Be that as it may, it is generally believed that man, since the word go, was known to have lived with a woman. What we find in present day is that a young man cannot be said to be complete until he marries. A Hadith of Prophet Muhammad (SAW), said “marriage is one of my sunna and he who departs from it is not one of me”. So, right from time, God knew that having men alone and women alone is not good. God created everything in pairs, male and female; that is why anywhere –  market, home, office, school, etc, there are both males and females working together to achieve goals. It is only peace and cooperation between people that bring about success in life which is the reason for the partnership.

No matter the era, many men regard their wives as subordinates who are expected to submit, obey without complaint and serve the family. In Hausa land for example, the man farms and brings grains home. The woman will complement this ‘gesture’ by engaging in petty trading to earn more money to enable her purchase ingredients necessary to cook the meal. They did this co-operatively. The woman just obeys without questioning or protest, it may not matter whether she is happy with that way or not. Girls in those early days were not allowed to enroll in or even complete primary and or secondary schools, let alone go to the university just because they are girls. Only boys were sent to all cadres of schools. Over time, the trend has changed. The girl-child is getting more educated and exposed to her rights. The men now find it unbelievable that a woman can achieve as much as a man with all her work load at home and office. We now see women in jobs which were in the past, an exclusive preserve of men such as bus driving, mechanic, ministerial positions etc. Some men also used to think that any woman who excelled in her job must have been morally loose, but that is contrary to the reality. Not to worry, sticks and stones are usually thrown only at fruit bearing trees.

A discussion cropped up in one of my friend’s office where both men and women work together. A male staff opened the discussion when one lady who was a Minister of Women Affairs was shown on the TV screen; he said ‘look at her, she is not even married, she is a divorcee’. Other women who were there shamelessly joined in the gossip, saying, ‘those women who attain high levels of education or positions look down on their husbands because they have everything they need.’ But I tell you that a woman’s position or level of education does not make her insult and disrespect her husband. If education is expensive, people should try ignorance. In fact, women have so many good qualities that when a man cooperates, he can tap from. Women are strong, committed, honest, upright, industrious and talented. Generally, when a woman is a divorcee, it is not okay to conclude that she had not been submissive or disrespectful. After all, marriage is not slavery. The only time a woman disrespects her husband is when he does not take his responsibilities seriously as a man of the house. That is why in Islam, man and woman are on the same level except those who take responsibility of their families. Another reason for women’s rebellion is when they are oppressed, suppressed, unheard, or emotionally disconnected. And men who do these are those struggling with low self esteem. This low self esteem expresses itself in so many uncountable bad attitudes such as being abusive. Most abusive men are struggling with low self esteem which is the major cause of divorce in our society. It is not because the women are rebellious or disrespectful alone. A woman who is maltreated, even if she is known during her childhood to be quiet in disposition, may become recalcitrant all in a bid to be free from bondage.

We find the same thing in our offices; the men’s refuse to accept that God can raise a woman to a position higher than a man either because of her knowledge, commitment, age, excellence, merit or even just destiny, but you find out that some men because of their predicament “complex” and “ego” coupled with envy, try to suppress the woman from expressing her talents forgetting the Hausa adage that says (durkusa  wa wada ba gajiywa ba ne) meaning, prostrating to a dwarf is not a sign of weakness. Envy is a very terrible emotional problem and attitude. They kill the possessor before its victim; the reason why envious people can never be reconciled with. The wonderful effect of this suppression is that the woman shoots higher when she is suppressed. So, the effects of envy are not completely negative.

I want to use this medium to encourage the womenfolk because that they are talented and can contribute positively to the society. They should not allow any men to shut them up, be it in the house or office. I am not in any way saying women should disrespect men, no but they should not allow themselves to be suppressed from achieving goals in life. I am an ardent supporter of the rights of women. God has created them free and so they should be.

Experience has shown that men prefer women who are non-achievers to be around them, so that they can manipulate them. Even the educated and highly placed men are not free from this attitude that has been dealing badly with our women. The men should not forget about “Kadr.” Allah denies whom he wills and gives whom he wills either a male or female.  How I wish our men in the family and offices will look into these two most serious ills, “ego” and “complex,” that are the prerogative of men and think of how to redress them for an everlasting peaceful co-existence.

Now, speaking sincerely to the men; do you know that it is only when there is cooperation that we can achieve much? Do you know that a woman has a lot to offer just as you think you have? Do you know that people are remembered when they die for the good they did, not the evil they had perpetrated? Do you know that an illiterate girl can be more disrespectful than an educated woman? Allow women be, so that God will allow you be. Be sure that even if nobody is watching, talking or doing anything about these attitudes, the one above is seeing and can react if called upon. God’s reaction can be disastrous. So, I am appealing to our men-folk to be just and fair to women at home and that office, or anywhere they may find them so that peaceful co-existence can prevail.

Rabiah is of the National Hospital, Abuja.