Jealousy, that destructive toxin

Jealousy is a common trait in everyone. In women, it is a permanent feature and is nothing new. In some women, it is a poison and weapon of mass destruction. As a result, it can also create different         kinds of problems both at work, in the neighborhood and most especially in marriages. When one talks of jealousy, the first thing that comes to mind is that the jealous person is envious of the other, but this is not so as jealousy is quite different from envy. For many women, jealousy has become a confusing emotion that afflicts us like a disease. Jealousy appears to be becoming more and more prevalent in today’s modern world. Even though jealousy acts like a disease, it is not one that you can contact from someone else. So, the question now is; why is jealousy more prevalent in today’s society than before?

There was a story of a woman who was jealous that her husband was seeing other women; the only thing she felt she could do to keep her husband to herself was to consult a herbalist for assistance. The herbalist advised her to bring human parts with which to prepare a charm for her. With that charm, it will ensure that he will be hers for ever. This act is just one out of many things women do when they are being possessed with jealousy. Jealousy is a natural thing but it must not be taken to such extremes.

Jealousy, it may be a simple word, but does not have such a simple definition behind it. Though it is a natural human emotion to feel jealous, it tends to get out of control if we fail to tame it the way a lion is caged in the zoo. Jealousy affects every marriage at one time or the other, whether it is a mild or major case. Jealousy can have a big impact on your relationship or marriage if it is not properly controlled or curtailed.

There are various reasons why a woman feels jealous. For women, it happens when we feel a threat from a rival. We mostly become jealous when we see our spouse having a great time with someone of the opposite sex, especially if the person seems a little too friendly; and no matter how your spouse tries to assure you that all is well, another person’s interest in him just raises all your red flags. Jealousy, according to some relationship experts, arises from three major factors which are comparison, competition and the fear of being replaced.

It can also creep up out of envy. It is important to understand the difference between jealousy and envy. They are closely related but jealousy refers to the insecurities experienced when a person feels a partner may be attracted to someone else. Jealousy among women is much more dangerous than the envy amongst them.

Jealousy occurs in most human relationships at one time or another. Whether the relationship is intimate or not, it is not immune to the possibility of jealousy. Even in the most secure and mature relationship, jealousy still arise. It is a normal feeling in every woman. Even the most secure, educated, intelligent, mature and independent woman feels jealous at one point in her life. The only difference is that the mature woman knows how to manage her jealousy.

Occasional jealousy is normal in a marriage and sometimes keeps the marriage alive but when it becomes irrational or intense it can destroy the marriage. What happens when you feel jealous? You dramatically become something else, unreasonable and less objective. In fact, you become less of everything you want to be and it makes you more likely to loose whatever you are trying to protect. Jealousy in reality can vary from a very minor issue to an extremely problematic issue that will only drive a wedge between the most stable relationships. This fact is enough motivation to look at how you can effectively manage your jealousy. Jealousy if left unchecked, can arouse fury and lead to destructive behavior. Jealousy in marriage can be a stumbling block and can eventually erode a close bond between couples. If you let feelings of jealousy develop and escalate, the mind will run wild, you will imagine your enemy at every corner and question everything your partner says or does. In most cases, unresolved and unchecked jealousy has developed beyond the end of a relationship into a long term vendetta and in some extreme cases, extended to loss of life.

The question now is; can one overcome jealousy? The answer is yes, but with great effort. Like most other different emotional experiences, jealousy, if treated correctly, can be a trigger for growth in the marriage. It can become the first step in increased awareness and greater understanding both of your partner and the relationship.

Jealousy can be healthy and unhealthy. Healthy jealousy means to guard your territory; it comes from a sincere care and commitment to the relationship while unhealthy jealousy includes lies, threats, self pity, inferiority complex and insecurity. Healthy jealousy guards the health of the marriage.  To have an edge over your jealousy, try to look at yourself in a positive light and stop feeling unimportant, inferior and having a low self esteem. If you are afraid of something that happened in the past, either in a former relationship or something else, shrug it off and get hold of your self esteem.

Jealousy goes right into the core of the relationship and its roots are deep, it is not something that can be banished by wishful thinking, you have to learn to tame your jealousy, though this might not be an easy task put if you put your mind to it, you will definitely achieve positive results.  Let’s end this topic with the words of Imfwana Wotela who said, “jealousy is a contagious poison that stains your heart and causes your mind to plot evil. It gets hold of you when you find something you wish you had but can not have or discover that you will never be like another person. It causes you to have anger and bitterness against those you think that have it all, causes you to think negatively and imagine things that are never there. It blinds you to develop wrong judgment, keeps your mind occupied with plotting negative things, you become very unhappy and want others to be unhappy too”.     I bet that this is not the type of life you want for yourself. For even if you have good qualities, jealousy will definitely destroy those good qualities that you have. So, be wise and hold on to your relationship and forget the jealousy.