When was your last good evening?

In the last two months the most used words in this house are ‘Honey, what’s for dinner?’ Followed by ‘could you pass me the remote’; and the last set, ‘I am going to bed you can join me when you finish having your dinner’.” These were the words of a female cast to her husband in the television series ‘Five’.  Invariably, she was complaining that their relationship was losing essence and steam that once kept it alive. These words are also reflective of the reality in many relationships today.

It is amazing how in the beginning of a relationship how both have and spend quality time for and with one another! When you were dating, you made the effort to give each other your undivided attention; otherwise the dating would have ended in a fiasco.

But as the relationship begins to mature or grows into marriage, less and less attention and care is given to it. You seem to say to your love life, “You are old enough now and can take care of yourself.” You forget those special moments spent in one another’s company which were the basis and major instruments which aided the growth of their relationship to its present state.

Not spending time together is a recipe for disaster in any relationship except where it is deliberately made to be so.

Marriage counsellor Dr. Harley in his piece We Don’t Spend Enough Time with Each Other attributes the lack of spending time together to many divorces. “Most spouses fail to give each other enough of their time each week. It not only accounts for failure to meet important emotional needs, it also creates a great deal of emotional discomfort. It could easily be argued that the lack of time in marriage may be one of the greatest causes of loss of love, and subsequent divorce.

“Of course, it’s not the lack of time, per se, that causes divorce. It’s that without time, it is impossible to meet the needs that keep a marriage healthy. Without time, the personal attention required to sustain love cannot be provided,” Harley noted.

Harley, in response to a couple in a straining relationship, said, “You already scheduled time for other responsibilities you have. Your children, your job, your house, your friends, your church … they all have a place in your weekly schedule. Why don’t you schedule time to be alone with each other?

“Courtship determines how good you are at meeting each other’s most important emotional needs, such as conversation, affection, and recreational companionship. You married each other because you proved your ability at meeting some of those needs. But now that you’re married, you may fail to meet them because you don’t take the time to meet them.

“I’m sure at one time or another you have felt that there just isn’t enough time in the day. Have you ever gone to bed on a Sunday night and wondered, ‘What happened to my week? It just flew by!’ They say time flies when you’re having fun, but, unfortunately, time also flies when you are extremely busy. When there just aren’t enough hours in the day to get everything done, putting off time with your loved one may seem like the easiest solution, but, be warned, putting off time with your partner may leave a serious mark on your relationship.”

Indeed keeping up consistent communications with your partner is the best thing you can do to keep your relationship strong and growing healthier. If you want to stay connected with your partner, you need to make time to reconnect often, through both conversation and physical closeness.

Putting off relationship time too often can lead to a disconnection between a couple that only gets worse as more time is spent away from the relationship; because “couple time” is so important to the development and bonding of a relationship, says Kim Lance, in her article, Make Time for Each Other. She offers some tips that could help you spend more time together.

Eat meals together

No matter how preoccupied you and your partner get with day-to-day activities, there is one thing you both will have in common every day – you both need to eat! While it may feel good to catch up on with the world news while having breakfast, get in some extra work time during lunch, or watch a sitcom while eating dinner, you are missing out on three potential opportunities to connect with your partner.

Get on the same sleep schedule

If you are finding it hard to make time for your partner, you may find it helpful to get on the same sleep schedule. If you are married or live together, going to bed and waking up together is an easy way to give you and your partner more time together. As you are getting ready for bed at night or getting ready for work in the morning you will be doing it together and will find several more minutes for conversation and closeness. Even when you are too tired to stay up and chat, just being close while sleeping can help you feel more connected to your partner as opposed to going to bed by yourself or waking up by yourself.

Carpool together

This may seem virtually impossible at first, but, if you have the schedule to make it work, driving together may be a great relationship builder. Your daily commute can be a frustrating and isolating experience. Why not change your long commute into a positive experience by using it as a good excuse to spend more time with your partner?

No matter how you fit the time in during the day, the important thing is that you make sure your lifestyle and schedule accommodate your relationship. If you are feeling stressed out, don’t make time with your partner the thing you give up, make it as high a priority as your job or school, maybe even higher priority. Continually giving up time with your partner will only make you more stressed and can wear on your relationship after a time.

Always remember, you are in a relationship because the people we love make us happy, help relieve our stress, and lighten our moods. If you always keep this in mind you will understand how important time with your partner truly is, especially when things get hectic. An hour of quality time with your partner will lift your spirits and also strengthen the love between you and further build the bond you have with one another. Your busy schedule shouldn’t come in the way of your relationship; use your relationship as a positive balance and calming influence on your busy life.