The plague called transfer of aggression

Transfer of aggression is one emotion most of us tend to have in-born in us all. When we are offended by someone, we tend to at most times pour out our annoyance or aggression on other people who are totally ignorant and unaware of the situation that might have transpired between you and the person who annoyed you.

We cannot deny the fact that most of us, married women, when we are annoyed by our husbands we tend to transfer the annoyance and aggression to the kids to spite our husbands because we feel by doing so, we are equally going to get at our husbands. But in the long run we are only hurting ourselves and putting a strain on the relationship between us and our kids, forgetting the fact that these kids might also grow up to become aggressive and believe that is how it is meant to be in life.

Some go as far as inflicting bodily harm because they are annoyed with someone and decide to unleash it on anybody that tries to come their way. Being vexed by someone does not mean that you have to also make someone’s day a bad one, especially if the person has nothing to do with your having a bad day. Transfer of aggression does not speak well of anyone. According to Dr. Obinna Emeka, a lecturer of psychology, “Anyone who is quick in transferring aggression is one that is not very patient and can easily be pushed to venting out annoyance on innocent people who try to ease the situation and only mean good.”  There is a very important need for us to learn how to control our anger. The effects of anger management skills go beyond stopping yourself from reacting to negative situations but also teaching yourself not to get unnecessarily angry over things or situations that are not relevant.

Learning to talk things out politely with whomever you might have had a misunderstanding with pays better than keeping it in mind and taking it out on innocent people. Sometimes, you may need to ask if your anger is justified maybe the other party had no other choice but had to do what he or she did to pass on a message. “Taking out your anger on someone else is totally unfair because it only shows that the other person has more courage and self esteem than you do, to be able to face you and did whatever he or she did and you were just being a coward by taking it out on someone else. To prove that you are someone of worth, you need to take it out on the person concerned and not on people who basically do not know what your problem is in the first place,” says Mrs Asmau Kabir.

The situation can become something that you could regret in future if you do not do away with that negative behaviour, says Maimuna Idris, a mother of two. “When we were growing up we had a family friend whose mother always took out the anger of whatever problem she had with their father on the children and in the long run the children grew up to be afraid of her. Now, as we speak, her sons who are now married are in the habit of beating up their wives, and some of her daughters are divorced because they believed in they could always display their anger in an aggressive manner and go scot free with it. This behaviour did not just start in one day. It started building in them since they were kids all thanks to their mother. Whatever anger we display in front of our kids we are only teaching them that it is the right thing to do. Children look up to us and whatever we do is what they will imbibe in themselves.”

When you feel offended by someone, always keep in mind the true cause of your anger and frustration. This notwithstanding, try to direct your anger to non destructive activities liking writing or even singing. This way, your mood will gradually be elevated from the low to high. Speaking about it to another person might also help ease the tension as this is a better option than looking for a scapegoat to pour your anger on. Never allow your anger splash out at innocent people and refrain yourself from doing something rash which you might regret later in life.