Who do you say you are?

It is very easy for us to lose our identities or get them tangled in other people’s perceptions of us. There are a good number of us, who, if asked the question, ‘Who do you say you are?’ Or ‘how do you define yourself?’ will not be able to give a response authentic to our own thoughts or perceptions of ourselves. Our responses are likely to be coated or clouded with words and phrases by which others have described us rather than our own definition of whom we are and who we should be.

Maybe as a result of being sheepish or plainly ignorant, we lack the ability to mirror ourselves based on our individuality and end up living in pretext rather than originality.
Clinical Psychologist and author of “Define Yourself!,” Susan Dunn, explains that people around us as well as our emotions are bound to influence a lot of the things that we do and our way of thinking. But in spite of these possibilities, we should not forget that as individuals, we are the greatest influence on ourselves.

Dunn said, “People have emotions, and emotions are contagious. How you conduct yourself and what values you live by define your culture, just as they do the other person’s. Businesses have cultures and so do groups, committees, clubs, organizations and any situation where two or more people are together.
“The most important influence on you is you. You spend more time listening to your own self-talk than to anyone else, so you need to make sure it’s the kind of culture you want to be in. Is it one of your values to put down other people? If not, why would you then do it to yourself?
“After that, the people in your work and personal life will reflect what kind of environment you have chosen to be in, and what sort of culture you want to live in.”

Expatiating further she said, “Since emotions are contagious; the people you are around will influence how you are feeling and sometimes will have more impact than you can withstand. Toxic personalities, for instance, tend to be strong and it’s difficult to stand up to negativity for an extended period of time. Somehow, it is easier to be cynical, angry and bitter than it is to be cheerful, positive and upbeat, because there are plenty of reasons to be negative if that’s what you choose. Pessimists are more often right (Murphy’s Law!), but optimists accomplish more (ignore it and carry on!).
Being around negative people can wear you down, exhaust you, and begin to subtly infiltrate your attitudes and feelings.”

Dunn advises that we surround ourselves with the kind of person we are and want to be. “Be more of who you are and you’ll attract people like yourself. If you aren’t optimistic, add it to your mix. It’s an emotional competency that can be learned.”
For some others, our identity is defined by our careers, job titles and roles we play. What becomes of us when we no longer have to play these roles or have these jobs or career lines? Do we then begin to build new identities for ourselves?

Defining ourselves by such labels could pose limitations for us as it could hamper us from seeing beyond these positions and aspiring onto greater heights. In other words, such identities motivated by roles become permanent comfort zones.
Louis L’Amour also says that, “Up to a point, a man’s life is shaped by his environment, heredity, and movements and changes in the world about him; then, there comes a time when it lies within his grasp to shape the clay of his life into the sort of thing he wishes to be . . . everyone has it within his power to say, this I am today – that I shall be tomorrow.”
No matter the situation or story, let us go by the words of Harvey Fierstein which say, “Never be bullied into silence. Never allow yourself to be made a victim. Accept no one’s definition of your life; define yourself.”