The good, bad and ugly sides of complaining

For many, complaining is just human nature that happens on the spur of the moment and we often find out that we have no control over it when it sets in. Most people only realize the impact of whatever they might have said in the heat of complaining after it must have been said, and words, once uttered, cannot be taken back.

Complaining has its good, bad and ugly sides. At what point do we cross the line from normal complaining or ‘venting’ to an unhealthy and negative whining or nagging?

As much as we try not to, we find ourselves complaining about something every day in our lives and sometimes take it to the extreme, and this is mostly common amongst women. Women grumble, groan, nag about little issues that trouble us to anyone who cares to listen, even if it is a stranger who at the end of the day might not offer any suitable solution to our problem. Even if they do offer any at all it might be for a negative purpose to get back at whoever might be the source of the complaint.

Most women spend a lot of time complaining and talking about their problems to friends without really asking for the solution to the problem. They are just interested in talking about how the problems make them feel and how they would like to take their revenge on whoever is responsible for their predicament. These ranting and nagging can turn into long analyses that get repeated over and over again, while this act will keep some friends close to you because they know that with you around they will always get one information or the other. While it keeps these kinds of friends closer, it also keeps the complainant or nagging person from feeling any better about the problem because it only makes matters worse for the complainant.

Excessive complaining can get psychologically risky for the complainant because dwelling on a problem and nagging about it for a while can reinforce small fears, which the conflict has brought up. It could even introduce new problems to make the person feel bad about themselves or even make the situation more problematic than it already is.

The big question though is if complaining is good or bad. The kind of society we live in tries to convince us that we should smile and have a nice day pretending that everything is fine even if you at the verge of death. We all know that it is not realistic to pretend that everything is fine in our lives without vetting it out one way or the other.

 A professor in psychology, Barbara Held says “We are always encouraged to see the bright side of life thereby masking our unhappiness which in the long run could be very toxic to the human mind and psychology.” She went on to say “It is important to learn how to tell friends and family when you are not happy about a particular situation, and if you do not, you end up alone in pain. Complain can be healing when it is done judiciously and in a civil manner,” she concludes.

Complaining is not always bad; however, there is the good, bad and ugly sides of complaining. The good side of complaining is channelled through bringing positive changes to a situation. Complaining can be a good thing and bring about change and even reach the desired goal when expressed clearly and calmly.

Complaining can go either way; it can be good or bad. Complaining could be described as being expressive. The positive side of expressive complaint is when you just need to get something off your mind and you vent out your complaint thereby feeling better and letting go of the whole issue.

The bad side of complaining happens when we complain and continue to complain and just won’t stop or let go of the issue or problem. For such kind of persons, low esteem seems to be the root of their problem because they are not ready to let go of the problem neither are thy looking for a solution to the problem.  They just want to portray an impression that they are important whereas in the real sense, they are not; and feel complaining non-stop is the only way out.

The ugly side of complaining is the chronic complainant that always sees a fault in everything anybody does and never sees positivity in anyone. A chronic complainant loves to talk but will rarely listen thereby rejecting any solution that another might have to offer.

A little whining here and there has never hurt anybody, but a constant negative complaining attitude equals an unhappy, negative life. The key is not to let the habit of complaining and nagging attitude become the norm of your life. Complaining can do more harm than good if it is not effectively managed. Complaining can be a tool for impression management or how people see us and our behaviour.  The way we channel our complaint tells a lot about the kind of person we are.

So, when next you find yourself complaining, make sure you are not nagging and repeating yourself over and over again. This will signify that you have a low self esteem. Above all, select an appropriate listener who will proffer a solution to the problem and not one that will make matters worse, or even make a story out of it at your detriment.