Getting the backstabber

These are people who pretend to be your friend and want the best for you. They are the ones who give you a hug and assurances when you go through your darkest hour in life. They tell you how wonderful you are but turn back to trash you behind your back, thereby making life miserable for you. They exist everywhere as there are little or no chances of you missing one by your side or amongst your so-called trusted friends.

It is very easy to figure out a backstabber among your friends, if you really think about it. Backstabbe have one tool in their arsenal which they unquestionably use a lot-gossip. If you associate with a friend who is consistently gossiping about other people and telling untruths, that friend undoubtedly is surely going to backstabers you to other associates, just as he does about others to you. The word associates is used here as a true backstabber usually has no real friends.

All backstabbers retain the appearances of true friends, but are truly ready to abandon it when they achieve their aim of getting what they derive from the friendship. They are only friends in appearances and have their eyes on another prize which will benefit them more.

Backstabbers seem to be your friend.  In reality, they live on the fringes of social protocol; manipulating information for their own advantage.  In the process, they damage others out of self-protection, revenge or enjoyment.  They are hard to identify before it’s too late because they are too convincing not to be double-faced friends.

The question many people ask is; why do these backstabbers initially appear as friends?  Simple, they appear friendly so that they can gain your trust and confidence. Without these, they can never get the desired response they need from you.  Little observations can help you spot a backstabber of which are these obvious four; they are always abreast with office gossips, they whisper, they often use the technique of flattering, and just by observing, they say something nasty about someone and immediately turn around and be super nice to them.

Backstabbing is a habitual offence. Some do it primarily because they believe it will serve their selfish purpose. Some do it because denting the image of others makes them feel better about themselves. While for some, its simply part of their personality.

Some of these two-faced backstabbers are smart and do things subtly that if you do not concentrate, you will never get the logic of their antics. First of all, you have to realize that you are not immune to them. Just because they act as if they respect and like you does not mean that you are not their main target. Believe me, the best way is to stay away from them. Pathological backstabbers are always trolling for information, dirt, secrets and any other conversation that can make you give out some personal information about yourself. Here, you need to remember and understand that any discussion with a backstabber will eventually be used and held against you.

When someone hurts you by their words or deeds, it is rarely about you but them. Backstabbers are insecure, confused and only feel validated when they gain control over someone else’s life. Backstabbers love to feel important and come across as caring, friendly, open and compassionate. All these are nothing but flattery to get their mission fulfilled.

We have all had one or more in our lives, whom we have confided personal information in. They in turn are sympathetic to our predicament and offer advice and are always there for us during our plight, making us feel secure and seeing hope. Then, all of a sudden, you begin to sense that something is wrong as other friends begin to ask you personal and guarded questions. Little comments and snippets are dropped over time and then, you realize your confidant has let you down by dropping personal and guarded information about you to all who care! In essence, you have been backstabbed!

The best advice is to identify the backstabber amongst your friends and maintain a detached level of friendship with them. Most importantly, do not depend on a backstabber for anything and do not owe him or her for anything he offers to do for you as it could be used as blackmail. Distance yourself from friends whom you discover may be backstabbers especially those who tell you tales about others as they are subsequently giving to tell your tales negatively to others too.

Humility should be your priority in friendship to prevent backstabbers from coming close. Keep your composure when you come to realize you have been backstabbed, as it pleases them to see you react. Do not let it get to you and do not sink to their level as it might worsen the situation. Nothing annoys the backstabber more than to see you unhappy and unaffected.

Once you have been backstabbed, you always have the option of confrontation. People who feel the need to act that way are usually cowards and can be scared off by just telling them that you know what they’re doing. Of course, they will deny but it will stop them for some time.  Sometimes, the best way is not to tell them anything, not to get close and to keep all conversations to a minimum of small talk.  Never ever go down to their level and backstab in revenge.

 Avoid private time with them if you can too. Be cordial and polite. Stay away from situations where that person gossips and make it clear that you don’t want to listen to them talking about someone else in a way that is not nice. If you can’t stay away, ignore them and never agree with them or offer your opinion on someone else or they will turn around, twist your words and use them against you somehow, they are double crossers by definition.

It is never easy, but recovering from a backstab can be achieved positively. Other than that, decide to be a little more discreet with whom you share certain information ,take time to know people and remember, there truly are good people out there if only we take the time to look. Always choose what is right in any situation and never become a backstabber. Instead, you should try and help them get out of their business so that they can become better people.

Most importantly, pay no attention to those who tarnish your image behind your back. It simply means that you are steps ahead of them in everything in life and instead of bracing up, they prefer to remain the cowards that they are!