Your self esteem, your life!

Day by day, majority of us have a painful war with ourselves. It is a constant fight that includes constant criticisms, pressure, anger, sadness and endless cruel comparisons. It is an everyday struggle that gets in the way and keeps you from seeing yourself for who you really are and achieving your true purposes in life. Where did this war begin and why?

The answer to that question can be found in a well-known and very often used word: Self-Esteem. What do you like about yourself.

Are you proud of whom you are? If you cannot answer these questions, then the chances are that you have a problem of self esteem.

Self esteem for a woman will mean that she is confident in everything she does and is aware of her abilities and strengths. She would also be aware of areas needing more work and improvement.

This is okay because she knows she is not perfect and she does not have to be, no one is. We all have our strengths and weaknesses. At least, that is what makes us humans, we can never be perfect.

A woman with a low self esteem does not feel good about herself because she has absorbed negative feelings and negative messages about herself.  Self esteem is a core identity issue, essential to personal validation and our ability to experience joy.

Lack of self esteem and self confidence is a problem that affects millions of people, especially women worldwide. Some women are very conscious of their body image that they feel any slight default in their physical appearance will make the whole world mock and laugh at them. But they must understand that there is nothing much they can do about it. They just have to start loving themselves for whom they are. Low self esteem often results in depression and anxiety while the physical health also suffers as well.

 According to Dr. Mark Clement, a woman’s self esteem can affect her overall quality of life. Self esteem can go to the extreme in the direction of being negative or to the point of ignorance. Finding the right balance of self esteem is most healthy. You are entitled to feel good about yourself and embrace life to the fullest. The more negativity we internalize, the lower our self esteem becomes. A woman’s self esteem can be greatly damaged if she has been in an abusive relationship.

 It is never too late to place value on yourself no matter your mistakes or what you have been through in life. A sense of self worth, not superiority, is the basis for a healthy self esteem. We need to feel valuable, appreciated, respected, accepted and loved for whom we are, but do not depend solely on external affirmation. Most of all we need to value ourselves and that starts from within us.

In marriage, a poor self esteem is not just a private burden, it can harm the health of the relationship. Alan Booth, a professor of sociology, human development and family studies, says people who remain unhappily married suffer from lower level of self esteem. Low self esteem can have a disastrous impact on marriage.

When one partner starts having a poor self esteem, a communication gap is created in the marriage. This lack of communication can turn a happy marriage into one of resentment and despair which grows like a virus. A partner with low self-esteem will often become frustrated with her spouse because she feels he doesn’t understand and support her. Furthermore, her spouse becomes frustrated since he cannot understand the issue.

One can help oneself by embracing some unique qualities, negative things about oneself should be seen as a challenge and one then seeks ways to improve on them. Realize that there is only one ‘you’ and that makes you special. If you are used to telling yourself that you are worthless, that is exactly how you will feel and those around will feel the same way as well. Negative thoughts breed negative actions, stop criticizing yourself.

Those words are damaging. Think well of yourself and others will do the same.

The more positive your self esteem, the more successful you will be in dealing with life. Our self esteem is based on how we see and value ourselves. The thing about low self-esteem is that it cannot be cured in one day, or even soon for that matter. The first thing you need to stop doing is giving yourself and everything around you unrealistic deadlines.

Women must understand that their self esteem in the home goes a long way to stabilise the home front. If she is not confident of herself, then the marriage and home will suffer a great deal and where does that place the children? Children look up to their mothers as role models and when she shows low self esteem, she only shows them that they can never achieve anything in this life.

As Maggi Vlanzny would say, “we are bound by our fate, only as long as we accept the values that determine it”. Nobody is perfect but everybody is worthwhile. Believe in yourself and you will be the envy of everyone.