Mothers or murderers?

Following this definition, can we then call a woman who gives birth but abandons the child to its fate or kills the child a mother? Also, is it possible for a woman to go through nine ‘hellish’ months of pregnancy, endure labour pains amongst other ‘sufferings’, to have a child and then kill that same child with her own hands? Absurd as this question is, recent publications in the media seem to respond to it in the affirmative.

In the last one month and almost on a weekly basis, there have been reports of mothers and mother figures committing heinous crimes against their children.  Last week alone, there were two publications: one of a mother, Hassana Philip who using a knife, slaughtered her six-year-old daughter and her one-and-a-half-year old son by slitting their throats after a quarrel with her husband over huge medical bills she had incurred on antenatal, just to spite him. The second was that of a mother who threw her baby while still alive, into a well because her husband had sent her packing all of a sudden and refused to divorce her formally. The frightening side to Halima Abdu’s story is the fact that a police officer in whose custody she was kept during the investigations, impregnated her. To what extent will her frustration drive her, regarding this child when it is born; particularly now that she is in a bad situation?

In the same publication, there was another report of one Mrs. Helen Obi nabbed for alleged cross border trafficking of young girls. These situations question the significance of a mother and her role in the life of her children and the society in particular.

The crisis before now was that of women having babies and abandoning them in toilets, refuse dumps, uncompleted buildings, gutters and other very ridiculous and unthinkable locations. Also, it was practically unheard of, for an African woman to do anything to harm her child. Motherhood was synonymous with love and the amount of love and care they showered on their children even when these children had reached maturity and started having their own children.

The African mother is one who is known to protect and pride her child far and above anything else. In very many cases, even till date, children take prerogative of their mothers’ agenda after which the husbands are attended to.

 These scenarios were things we heard about over the news or read about as creatively imagined by artistes. However  here they are happening right at our doorsteps and at an alarming rate too.

On the contrary, a strange woman who has no biological link with an abandoned child but takes him home and nurtures him as if he were her own, is the mother of that child; and obviously, a worthier one to be addressed as a mother rather than the one who gave birth to him.

For Mrs. Rita Udeze, it is an absolute no go area in her thoughts. “I am a mother and cannot on account of any man or circumstance even scratch my children on the surface of their skin, let alone take a knife and consciously or unconsciously take their lives or worse still, throw any one of them into a well. I was lucky not to suffer difficult pregnancies but the fact that these ones came out of me and suckled my breasts is more than enough reason to protect them with my life.”

Arguing on the part of women like Abdu, Phillip and women like them, a psychologist and counsellor with the World Health Organisation explains the need for people to understand the different psychological problems and depression women go through especially when faced with the kind of challenges these women in question were faced. Depression is a major factor identified which results in such behaviour.

They say, “Depression is not “one size fits all,” particularly when it comes to the genders. Not only are women more prone to depression than men, but the causes of female depression and even the pattern of symptoms are often different.

“Women often suffer from role strain over conflicting and overwhelming responsibilities in their life. The more roles a woman is expected to play (mother, wife, working woman), the more vulnerable she is to role strain and subsequent stress and depression. Depression is more common in women who receive little help with housework and child care.

“There are a number of different, yet interrelated risk factors for depression in women. Women of lower socio-economic status are more likely to develop depression. This makes sense considering that the more sources of stress in a woman’s life, the more likely she is to develop depression. Women of low socio-economic status are likely to struggle with financial problems, issues of unemployment or underemployment, discrimination, lack of education and single parenthood. Additional risk factors include marital conflicts and dissatisfaction, past sexual or physical abuse and role strain.”

The first contact a child has is the mother. She is the one who teaches and inculcates values which the child lives with for life. She is the one who takes his finger and helps him up when he is down. She is the best gift and an impersonation of God on this earth to many children. However where this figure becomes the most dreaded threat to the well being of the child, especially in a society where otherwise has been the norm, it calls for serious worry and concern and corrective measures to be set in place to put this to an end as quickly as possible.