Maiden name: To change or not to change

Nowadays, more and more women are sticking to their maiden names while some in some instances include both their maiden names and their husbands’ last name. Some have ignored tradition and kept their name as it is. It is normally a struggle for some women to decide which it is, either to stick or switch.

Many have argued that the maiden name is the only thing that they take to their matrimonial homes as the man (husband) already has them; the best they can do to keep the memories of their parents is to stick with their family name. “I do not believe in changing my last name when I get married, even if I do not it does not change me from being who I am and where I come from. And if I may ask, why does it have to be the woman who has to adopt her husband’s name?  You know the world is changing maybe the men should give it a trial and switch to their wives name, let’s see the number of men that will agree to that” says Jane Nwasu, a beautician.

“ I understand that is a nice tradition, I have been married for some years now and my wife has been using her maiden name ever then. Though we have never talked about it and since she is comfortable that way, so be it but then it would make me happier if she switched to my name. Am only bothered about the future as you know no one can really tell what the future has in stock for us, if you know what I mean, it is only for her own good” says Steven Obin Iduh, a computer analyst.

“Islamically you are not obligated to change your name; in fact women are encouraged to keep their maiden names. You are and will remain your father’s daughter till the Day of Judgment and that is your birth identification. Your husband is your spouse, and your children’s father who will therefore take his name.

Name change is a Christian tradition. When Christian women got married, they changed their names because they could not “by law” hold property etc. Whatever they inherited became their husband’s automatically “by law”. In Islam it is the opposite. When a woman gets married and has inherited property, it’s hers and hers alone, her husband cannot claim it as his which is why it is encouraged that a woman should keep her identity, she has rights and rights to her own personality as well” says Ustaz Abdallah Musa.

Most have argued that if the woman truly loves her husband taking his family name should not be trouble for her. “it’s completely ridiculous how can a man marry a woman and she insists on keeping her maiden name does she have a plan to leave him one day, I mean that is the only reason why she would want to hold on to her maiden name knowing the fact that if they eventually get separated in future it will be easy for her to continue life as a spinster again. Tell me, how can you marry a man and say you love him more than anything in the world and not be able to take his last name? Marriage is a 50-50 thing and any woman should be proud and happy to carry her husband’s name, haba! This Beijing conference has brought so many hassles in family life”, says Sunny Emmanuel, a civil servant.

Marriage have traditionally included some key elements besides just name changing. Some men have said why the name change should be a problem after all expenses would have been acknowledged and accepted by the bride. “The expensive wedding clothes and grossly expensive wedding party are some elements of the marriage that women do not object to. And you see that is my problem with them, if they are going to object to a name change why not object to all others, after all marriage is all about compromise. Is it not?  So if they can accept the expensive ring, clothes and wedding reception, then a switch of name should not be a problem if they really claim they love their husbands”, says Ndubisi Chukwuemeka, a businessman.

“When we are born, we are given a name. Some of us may even have built a career with that name and got recognition in our field. How can we be expected to give it up so easily? Respect for the spouse or their family clearly has nothing to do with it. I like my husband’s name very much but still, it’s not mine. My name really is part of who I am. To me it’s not a sign of disrespect in any way to the man”, says Ronke Ahmed.

Of course, not all women feel the same way about their names. Some may not be crazy about their surname to begin with, and welcome the opportunity to change it. Others find that having the same name as their husband makes them more like a family, and view the new name as an important symbol of a journey they are embarking on together. As long as a woman is conscious of her choice and doesn’t succumb to the tradition blindingly, there is absolutely nothing wrong with her switching to the husband’s name or sticking to hers!