Purge your anger!

Transfer of aggression is one emotion that most people tend to have inborn in them. When we are offended by someone, we tend to most times pour out our annoyance and aggression on other people who are totally ignorant of and not aware of whatever the situation is that might have transpired between us and the person that annoyed us.

There are times when we are angered by someone and all we can do is to pour out our anger on innocent people or people that had nothing to do with our annoyance in the first place. We are all guilty of this as mothers transfer their anger or aggression on the kids whenever they’ve been angered by their husbands and vice versa.

We cannot deny the fact that most of us married women tend to transfer our annoyance and aggression to our kids whenever we have been angered by our husbands. We do this to spite our husbands because we feel by doing so, we will equally get back at them. But in the long run, we are only hurting ourselves and putting a strain on the relationship between us and our kids, forgetting the fact that the kids will also grow up to become aggressive and believe that is how life is meant to be.

Some go as far as inflicting bodily harm because they are annoyed with someone and decide to unleash it on anybody that tries to come their way. Being vexed by someone does not mean that you have to also make someone’s day a bad one, especially if the person has nothing to do with your having a bad day. Transfer of aggression does not speak well of anyone.

According to Dr Obinna Emeka, a lecturer of psychology, “Anyone who is quick in transferring aggression is one that is not very patient and can easily be pushed to venting out annoyance on innocent people who try to ease the situation and only mean good”. There is a very important need for us to learn how to control our anger. The effects of anger management skills go beyond stopping yourself from reacting to negative situations but also teaching yourself not to get unnecessarily angry over things or situations that are not relevant.

Learning to talk things out politely with whomever you might have had a misunderstanding with pays off better than keeping it in mind and taking it out on innocent people.

Sometimes, you may need to ask if your anger is justified or maybe the other party had no other choice but had to do what he or she did to pass on a message. “Taking out your anger on someone else is totally unfair because it only shows that the other person has more courage and self-esteem than you do, to be able to face you and do whatever he or she did and you were just being a coward by taking it out on someone else.

“To prove that you are someone of worth, you need to take it out on the person concerned and not on people who basically do not know what your problem is in the first place,” says Alhaji Kabir Ahmed.

“The situation can become something that you’ll regret in future if you do not do away with that negative behaviour,” says Maimuna Idris, a mother of two. “When we were growing up, we had a family friend whose mother always took her anger over whatever problem she had with their father out on the children, and in the long run, the children grew to be afraid of her.

“Now, as we speak, her sons who are now married are in the habit of beating up their wives and some of her daughters are divorced because they believed they could always display their anger in an aggressive manner and go scot-free.

“The behaviour did not start in just one day; it started building up in them since they were kids, all thanks to their mother. Whatever anger we display in front of our kids, we are only teaching them that it is the right thing to do. Children look up to us and whatever we do is what they imbibe,” she concluded.

When you’ve been offended by someone, always keep in mind the true cause of your anger and frustration. This notwithstanding, try to direct your anger to non-destructive activities like writing or even singing. This way, your mood will gradually be elevated from low to high. Speaking about it to another person might also help to ease the tension as this is a better option than looking out for a scapegoat to pour your anger on. Just never allow your anger to splash out at innocent people and refrain yourself from doing something rash which you might regret later in life. There is every need to purge yourself of any negative anger that would be destructive. You and only if you give yourself the chance can take control of your anger and not make it destructive to you and those around you.