I wish I were married to someone else!

Incidentally, some days later, a friend of mine complained that she is fed up with her marriage and wished she is married to someone else. She said she envies some other women, adding that her marriage is a failure and wished she had listened to her parents to avoid being in the mess she now finds herself. In conclusion, she said, “Maybe this is punishment for failing to heed to the advice of elders when I was hell bent on going on with the marriage. I am by no means a gold digger, but if I had known back then what I know now, I would not have gotten married to him.

“We started off our marriage with the odds against us and now we are struggling so bad that I can’t even respect him as a man anymore. I know everything is not his fault, because I knew he was lacking in all of these things before we married, I just didn’t have the good sense to stop, look and listen then. I now regret being in this marriage and wish I had never married him.

“Look at you and others; you guys are better off in your respective homes while mine has just been full of disappointments and regrets. I really wish I could exchange my life with one of you guys’ or at least turn back the hands of time,” she concluded in tears.

All I could tell her was, “Not all that glitters is gold. I bet if you knew all our individual stories, your side of the fence may be greener; it’s best to learn to appreciate your own side of the fence”, I concluded, recalling the article I read a few days back.

There are times when the majority of couples wish they were never married to each other in the first place. It’s only natural that these tense feelings come and go once in a while in every marriage. Sooner or later, couples get irritated with each other over something and sometimes over nothing, but that is where being married in the first place is put to the test. Mature couples work things out and try to settle their differences instead of looking for the easiest way out of the whole situation.

There is a popular saying that where there is a will, there is always a way. So as long as you have a will, then you will find your way and another man or being someone else’s wife isn’t the answer. It has been said that all growth takes place in relationships and I would agree that relationships are the ripest place for growth. When we are in a relationship with another, there is a multitude of experiences that make us feel uncomfortable, and we ask ourselves deep insightful questions.

You may be feeling alone in your marriage, which is a very strange and painful feeling for anyone going through it, most especially for women. It could be disastrous and could lead to many other things that could be negative. When thoughts like ‘I wish I was Mr X, Y, Z’s wife starts to creep in, think of this quote from Funke, who says, “When trouble looms or befalls a marriage or the woman is feeling gloomy, the next practical thing she begins to do is wishing she were somewhere else or somebody else’s wife. She wonders how she ended up where she is. Didn’t her mother warn her? And she almost didn’t marry him o. Well, a woman has no business envying her friend’s marriage.” (That’s very true)

Sounds cute but impracticable, hmm? Not exactly, but it happens all the time. When things get tough in the home and a marriage seems to be giving way at the seams, the urge to compare your situation unfavourably with another’s is quite high. Any wife who wants to be honest with herself will own up to having fallen into that temptation once or twice.

Such escapist thoughts are the only things that fill her head. She adds all unlikely figures together and gets all the odd results. She’d see all the good things in her friend’s marriage and not one enviable thing in hers. If only she knows. If only we all know. Comparing your marriage with another’s is an unworthy occupation. It is a demeaning venture that does nothing for a woman’s sense of self-worth,” and if I may add, for the marriage itself.

“I was going through many difficult moments in my marriage and used to wish I was married to someone else and opted out of the marriage when things really turned bad. I felt I would be better off somewhere else or being married to some other man. But today, I have realised that I made the greatest mistake by dumping my first marriage for this cursed one. Believe me when I say that not all that glitters is gold and the devil you know is far better than the angel you do not know.

“Going into this second marriage has made me to realise that I was in another world entirely in my first marriage. If only I had someone to stop me then, my life would have been better off than being in this hell called marriage. But then, what choice do I have now since leaving this one again will start the headcount of husbands for me and that is definitely not the kind of life I want to be remembered for. I made a mistake once and would not want to make a fool of myself the second time,” Mrs Rahila Ahmed said.

Not all marriages are the same. Most marriages have their stumbling blocks and challenges; it’s just that some are worse than others. Thank your stars you have yours, because if you hear or read about some other people’s stories, you would not trade yours for all the gold in this world. Blessings come to us in different and various ways and also at different times. If your friend or neighbour has it going rosy for them today, believe that yours will definitely come very soon and might even be better than theirs.

Wishing that you were married to another man? Just be careful what you wish for as it could turn out to be disastrous for you. There is more to a glittering marriage than meets the eye. Just remember that all relationships and marriages are not perfect or cut out to be the same. So do you still wish you could turn back the hands of time?