Relationships that involve only the male and female make women to feel as if they’re the babysitter/mum, cleaner/laundry woman or secretary more than being the other half in the union. Some ladies have said there are services that will no longer be on offer this year and have rewritten a will-do or favours to grant lists which do not include the following.
In as much as it is necessary to make sacrifices and compromises in a relationship, it works best when there is a reasonable level of sharing going on and no taking for granted or one trying to be smart by half.
Like many women do, Jane Peters has been spoiling her boyfriend by taking care of his laundry. “When I visit during vacations, I notice that a day or two after I arrive, he starts dumping his clothes in the laundry basket along with mine. He knows there is no way I would wash mine and leave his. In the early part of our relationship, he used to sort the clothes out and take some to the drycleaner’s. But now, he leaves it all to me.
“So I asked him what he does when I am not around and he said the drycleaner handles them. When I asked why he didn’t continue that way now that I am here, he said he needed the feminine touch. I fell for it at first, but now, I’ve realised I had been playing the fool and have decided to get him to be as responsible for his laundry as he is when I am not there,” she said.
She has also resolved not to clean up after him. Many guys after eating just leave their plates on the table or wherever it is they ate. As long as there is a woman around, they feel she should be the one to do the cleaning. Unfortunately, most guys do not realise that helping around the house increases intimacy. For many of them, it is a feeling of being in charge and exerting their presence and stance.
Mari Iyayen’s complaint is probably one of the oldest tricks in the book which men use on women. “My husband has a knack for calling and asking me to buy gifts or cards for someone’s birthday or celebration. I keep wondering why he never remembers to buy them on his way home or at his convenience and seems only to remember when he knows I am about to leave my workplace.
“This is a new year and I have decided this must stop. From now on, if he doesn’t remember it is somebody’s birthday to buy a card or gift, I am not going to carry that burden or remember at my expense. He even insists on the kind of gift I should get for the person. If he has a status to maintain or ego to massage before these people, that is his headache. I have decided I will not be dragged into it anymore,” she vowed.
Another resolution that some ladies made in 2010 is to stop being errand girls where guys can do the runs themselves without help. It is not about being a feminist or being heady, but guys have to understand that women also feel the same tiredness that they feel. It is also not out of place for guys to do things for their women.
Why ask her to run errands for you when you can plan and organise yourself to do your own stuff? She has her responsibilities and manages to carry them out most times on her own. You can learn to do the same except in extreme cases where it cannot be helped. Adenike Abdulrahman has made a catchy resolution that is likely to interest other women. She said, “This year, I am not spending my annual leave sitting down in Abuja watching TV and doing school runs. I am going to take a proper holiday on my own or with my husband if he wants.
“I am not travelling with my kids, because I won’t enjoy the leave at all. If my husband wants to come along, he is welcome, but that trip will be purely relaxation for me. I’ve found out that in the last couple of years since I started working, I have hardly had any break.
“The only difference is always that I am not reporting to my workplace. I wake up early to prepare the kids for school and on occasions when my husband is supposed to drop or pick them up, he leaves it to me, saying after all, I am not going anywhere. Enough is enough. I too need the break as he gets it and I am determined to have it this year,” she reiterated.
Women usually play side roles and one of such is being the unofficial secretary and personal assistant. Married for 15 years now, Aisha Idris says she is tired of being an alarm clock and a reminder. “I think many of us spoil our men by pampering them too much. If my husband needs to wake up early, why should I be the alarm clock? I end up not sleeping properly, because at intervals, I am unconsciously waking up to be sure he doesn’t oversleep. In the end, I am usually a wreck, because I am exhausted and haven’t had a good sleep. I have told him to get an alarm clock and a diary or organiser to write down his activities and plan them. If he wants me to do these, he has to get me on his payroll,” she said laughing.
Anna Ishaya has resolved that she will not allow any man to nag her about her looks this year. “I turned 25 on January 1st and with it came my resolutions. Topping the list was my feeling good about the way I look and not dressing or living my life to please anybody. I have decided that as long as it is not a threat to my health, I will look the way I want and do it feeling good. 2010 for me is goodbye to being a people-pleaser,” she said.
Their general advice is, if you have been indulging the guys with any of these, especially unwillingly, now is the time to make a change and get them to be more helpful and useful to you. Remember that you are as important as the next person in any relationship.
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