Taking the hand of your enemy

Are you one that easily hold on to resentment and carry anger in your heart against others? If you have problem forgiving major and minor offences then you need to cultivate the ower of forgiveness in your life. Each moment you cling to the trauma or anger after it has occurred, you cause the past to generate an entirely new sequence of thought, emotions and actions which will result to negativity.

Peace is not possible without forgiveness. Martin Luther King once said, “Forgiveness is not an occasional act; it is a permanent attitude.” The only way children can learn the habit of forgiveness is by seeing us, their parents, forgive others and forgive ourselves. The freedom to be at peace in our own skins – that’s what forgiveness allows. We relinquish this freedom when we hold onto anger and resentment.

Because as flawed people, we will hurt one another, be it intentional or unintentional. Husbands will offend wives, and wives will offend husbands. Parents will hurt their children, and children will hurt their parents. Family members will offend one another, likewise friends hurting one another. That is why we must learn to forgive.

The spirit of forgiveness is what women are not patient enough to imbibe in them. Most of us are guilty of not being able to forgive people who have offended us in one way or the other. Sometimes we need to forgive without reconciliation: forgiving for the mere purpose of forgiving. Certainly, what we strive for is to reconcile all conflicts, clear the air, and understand one another.

Forgiveness works! It is often difficult, but it works. We often think of forgiveness as something that someone who has done us wrong must ask of us. There is always another way of looking at something. Most thoughts on forgiveness suggest that you focus on offering forgiveness to the person who has wronged you, not to forgive them is like taking the poison (continuing to suffer for what they did or didn’t do to you) and expecting something negative to happen to them.

Forgiveness is a gift you give to yourself. It is not something you do for someone else. It is not complicated. It is simple. Simply identify the situation to be forgiven and ask yourself: “Am I willing to waste my energy further on this matter?” If the answer is “No,” then that’s it! All is forgiven.  Forgiveness goes a long way in healing.

Forgiveness has little or nothing to do with another person because forgiveness is an internal matter. Choice is always present in forgiveness. You do not have to forgive and there are consequences. Refusing to forgive by holding on to the anger, resentment and a sense of betrayal can make your own life miserable. A vindictive mind-set creates bitterness and lets the betrayer claim one more victim.

When the act of forgiveness involves another party, we often believe we are doing it for the other person. Although the other party might benefit greatly from our act of forgiveness, it should not matter to us one way or the other. Forgiveness is about us. Until there is forgiveness, our hearts are held hostage, and thus we willingly perpetuate the pain of the original offending event. The act of forgiveness is about freeing ourselves from our own grip, our own belief that we must live miserable and damaged lives because of whatever has occurred.

Mahatma Gandhi once said “the weak can never forgive for forgiveness is the attribute of the strong” sincerely forgiveness is strength for it takes a really strong person to really forgive the offences of others.

Truth be said forgiveness is not for the person but for yourself, it certainly relieves you from reliving whatever wrong must have happened in your mind, so why give someone the pleasure of thinking that he or she has hurt you when you should be moving ahead with life. Some people feel that by not forgiving shows strength, character, dignity, pride and conviction. Forgiveness is necessary for the good of all because the energy you would use to hurt yourself can actually be positively utilised to heal yourself and if you wish others as well.

To be able to forgive means to be able to rise above the emotion of whatever the incident is and move forward with your life. Being unable to forgive keeps you trapped in that place, going over the same stuff. Forgiving doesn’t mean forgetting, or letting the other person off the hook. It means letting go of your emotional attachment to the offence, saying “That is behind me” and going ahead. And the most difficult thing of all being able to forgive yourself frees you from the burdens of guilt and shame and enables you to go on from the point of knowledge and experience without baggage.

Take this time to look at your life and see where it is that forgiveness is needed, let today be the day that you make the choice to forgive and move on, looking at those feelings and dealing with them and learning to let go. Break that pattern that has prevented you from having a fulfilled life. Think about it, you can make the first step by taking the hand of your enemy, for forgiving is very well worth the effort.