What kind of kids are you raising?

Many parents hardly want to believe that their child is spoilt, lacking manners or getting out of hand. They are in denial until the situation gets out of hand and is beyond their control. Many parents do not realise that they are the primary reasons their children turn out being a handful. There are so many ways parents attitude towards one another could encourage their children to becoming brats.

One of the primary reasons for which kids behaviour get out hands is the way parents themselves behaviour towards their children and to themselves in the presence of their children.

If as parents you talk to one another impolitely and daddy orders mummy around without using the magic words, your kids will find it strange to hear somebody else express politeness. With this generation of computer aged kids, they may even say it outside and want to inquire why in a certain home things are done differently from what he sees goes on in his own house.

Also using strong words against one another, your children are likely to perceive this the wrong way and adopt it as a life style because it is what he sees mummy and daddy do; so for him it is a normal trend and an okay behaviour to exhibit when outside the home.

In checkmating your child’s unruly behaviour, you as parents have to check yours and make amends were necessary. When you have done this, you can now begin to set your kids aright.

Start off by establishing basic rules which you also obey and they see you do.

State what kind of people or family you are and what you stand for. State clearly how you expect your children from your household to treat those within and outside your family. Let them know polite remarks and the use of magic words are essential as well as other polite and respectful gestures. Keep in mind that teaching your child respect for others is one of the best gifts you can give him. You could play this out by treating him in this manner.

If you allow children, they could grow up being self centred and not having a value for what it means to share and give. You should focus on modeling love for your children. He may be self centred and problematic because he is not getting enough of you, your love and focused attention If they see you as parents giving and caring and showing compassion not only to family members but also to strangers who cannot repay your kindness, they will in no time be the ones to remind you of the people in need.

From as early as possible, you should let children know their boundaries and where there limits are. When you need to say no and be firm about it, you really have to put your foot down and say so. Be ready for the tantrums and complains and justifications that will follow this. Try to stick to your guns and do not give in because that will be encouraging inappropriate behaviour.  Let him know that getting angry will not get him what he wants. Over time he or she will learn and understand that when mummy or daddy says, no, it means no.

Be firm yet loving. Clear boundaries and consistent responses on your part not only manage behaviour better, they also create safety and security for kids and teens.

In all of this don’t forget that spending quality with your children is a great gift they cannot get anywhere else. This is the only sure way you can monitor their growth and development and quickly notice when they begin to go astray.

In a write up on changing your behaviour as a parent, experts advise parents to, “Model the behavior you want your child to exhibit. Using bad words, calling your child names or having a fit yourself is the wrong direction.

Another area to watch against according to the write is for parents to avoid benign neglect.

“Sometimes, we let our children turn into brats because we feel guilty about saying no to them. Other times we parent our children with “benign neglect” by choosing our own needs, interests and work over our children’s needs. If you are choosing work or workouts over your child admit it and own up to your contribution to their behaviour.

When you let your child be a brat, it’s him or her that you’re hurting in the long run. Be available, set clear boundaries and parent with the end in mind.”