Gossip: That destructive force of nature

Gossip has traditionally been related to women but funny enough, men tend to do it, too. A case of “what women can do, men can do even better,” if you will. “The men have started becoming experts in that trend as nowadays you can be sure that your issues remain secret with a woman more than a man. They have that natural urge to always tell their friends what they know about a lady, they pretend to be a confidant and turn around and stab her in the back. I will prefer to remain with female friends than with a pretending male confidant,” says Temiola Okey.

Generally speaking, the way women make friends is completely different from the way men make theirs. There are some people who just take pleasure e in spreading gossip, when they come to your home or office and exchange pleasantries, the first thing they ask is “Did you hear what happened to…” and the story continues. It does not stop there as whatever you say or contribute to this topic is used to buttress their details.

According to Mr. George F. Olumide, a marriage counsellor, “we do not realize the impact of what gossiping can do until we have said it all and we start thinking. Gossip is a very dangerous trend because when one indulges in it, it gives so much pleasure and satisfaction that the words just keep flowing until the very last bit is said. If it is being said by someone who enjoys talking, there is every tendency that he or she adds a little bit of untrue information.”  

He explain that women just gossip and say what they have to say and all of a sudden they  stop and realize the dangers of what they are saying, while men on the other hand think first, then it is followed by what they want to say. “Women do not think, they just start talking which is very bad.”  

Often, gossip is the tool we use to build alliances with each other. Alliance building uses the power of information to harm people; it’s unkind, selfish and also sinful. It seeks to promote selfish interest at the expense of someone. Some people use gossip as an outlet for bitterness. They seek to destroy those who have offended them by spreading false stories about them. This is immorality in its highest form.

 Some women tend to gossip about people they are jealous of and they feel the only way they can bring such adversaries down is by gossiping about them to give them a bad reputation. There is a saying that says that the gossip of two women will definitely destroy two houses. The havoc that gossip can cause can be more destructive than a hurricane.

Gossip has no positive impact. If you are going to talk about someone, at least, have the guts to say it in their presence. It is necessary to understand that people who talk about others to you will definitely talk to others about you when you are not there. “I had this family friend of mine, who came and told me that my husband was planning to get married and we talked about it, she left and told me that she was going to school and I left to a friend’s house only to be told by that friend of mine that the same lady was in her house and told her things that I was doing to stop my husband from marrying another woman. My friend was so angry with me and wondered why I could stoop so low, and you can imagine how shocked I was. So you see this is really a dangerous world as some people just take pleasure in spreading false hoop in the name of gossip and destroying people’s homes,” says Nana Fatima Usman. According to Mark Twain “it takes your enemy and your friend working together to hurt you to the heart, one to slander and the other to bring the message to you”.

Gossiping or backbiting could be mere words or actions but they can wreck a marriage. Why do we still continue to engage in idle and vain talk. Ultimately, gossip will always come back to bite us. The best way to stop this habit of gossip is to check yourself and screen the type of friends who tend to encourage you to take pleasure in talking about other people’s problems. Since the urge to gossip is entrenched in human nature, let’s try to make gossip more positive. Instead of dramatizing the bad things, emphasize the good.

Malicious gossip backfires because it makes you look like you cannot keep a secret and should not be trusted, especially if you have exaggerated the situation or relayed some false information. Be aware that the tongue expresses what is in the heart. If a person has a good heart, you will see it in what he or she are saying.