Esprit de corps

– Mr President, to what do we owe this surprise visit?

Barka da Sallah, my General, my President, my elder statesman.

–  Haha Mr. President, we’re in the league together. Should we sit here or should we go into the inner sanctum?

Hahaha, my leader, we could stay here.

– Okay.

I came to felicitate with you for Eid and to wish you more Sallah celebrations with peace, love and long-life.

– Insha Allah. I truly appreciate this visit. How is your family?  How is Mama Peace?

She’s not doing well Your Excellency. I guess we would need some privacy?

– We could go to the second guest parlour.

Yes sir, but I want some of my people to hear what I’m about to say.

– Oh, okay. Watau jama’a ku yi mana gafara minti biyu.

Your Excellency, our agreement that nobody would insult, malign or impugn the integrity of the other is being violated with impunity.

– So, did anybody report me?

Not you sir, my successor.

– Oh, what about him?

Your Excellency, we both served this country with diligence and love. I conceded defeat to save this country from unnecessary bloodshed. If I had contested the results, we’ll still be in court today and who knows there may be no Naija.

– We all commend your sense of patriotism and we have urged others to emulate you. It was a great sacrifice; we are all called to make sacrifices for the good of our nation.

Your Excellency, I did not ask for much, I left town to enjoy my retirement in peace. I know that I was naive…

Oh no, no, no, that’s not naivety.

Some of the revelations of looting purportedly carried out under my tenure were truly shocking to me, your Excellency.

– As they say, boys would always be boys. They want to take care of their future. It’s not excusable; mind you but its human.

Thank you sir. So I met Mr President and assured him of my unflinching loyalty and support always in any investigation they may be carrying out.

– Yes!

It was the template handed down by the military that led to some of the embarrassing revelations, like Dasukigate.

– You politicians bash the army, but you are worse.

Sir it’s not a personal indictment, but for instance sir, I believe your security votes were spent on security, right?

– Absolutely and it secured the nation.

 True sir. But sir, did you know the final breakdown of how the money was spent?

– Nobody saddled with the responsibility of state would still have time for such details. What is the duty of auditors?

As for the Dasuki affair, if you ignore it long enough it would die off. Nigerians are very forgetful and very forgiving too. With time, even the political future of Dasuki and others currently being investigated would be guaranteed.

I am not talking specifically on that your Excellency; I am shocked by the periodic embarrassment to me, to my family. I think this clueless government uses our mistakes to cover for their unpreparedness to perform. Every time Nigerians ask for the Change they were promised; rather than deliver, they bring Jonathan or his family into public ridicule.

– Huum!

Your Excellency, I mean they moved from impugning my integrity to chasing down everyone that is associated with me. And in all these, not a single case has been effectively prosecuted.

– Thanks to lawyers, you know I married one.

Your Excellency, if we continue like this, what happens to esprit de corps?

– Hum!

Having sacrificed so much for the country, I should be accorded the respect I accorded my predecessors. Not once did I attribute failure in any area to my predecessors.

– You accused us of neglecting the army, but we fought and won wars in Liberia and Sierra Leone, but that’s by the way.

Your Excellency, that’s a case for another day. Sir, after assailing my integrity, Buhari is gunning for my wife.

– Ah-ha!

Yes sir. This $32 million dollar story is taking it too far. You must have heard the American say happy wife, happy life! My wife is everything I have left. Friends have deserted me, acquaintances are in detention on trumped up charges, and now Buhari wants to take my wife from me.

– How?

This purported investigation is pure witch-hunt. The Sallah peace your Excellency enjoys is what is being denied us. Do you know what my wife has been going through? If Nigeria is broke and needed a loan, we could provide help. Are we the only people with foreign reserves? My successor had more than two children in foreign universities? Is he paying their fees from selling 130 cows?

– I get your drift, how can I help?

We just want to be left in peace, esprit de corps. The embarrassment is unfair.

– Okay, publicly I promised not to interfere because that guy doesn’t listen. But you go now, and I will see how to rally esprit de corps.

I count on you sir.