Who resignation don epp?

At a time when the drumbeats of war and threats of pogrom overshadows the Naija landscape, the resignation of a London MP is bound to bounce off like demands for accountability on Sai Baba’s bad ear. So, not until Funke Ameobi-Esan shared the video on Chevening platform did I pay attention to the resignation of Lord Bates. 

The story goes that, Michael Bates, member, UK House of Lords and a junior minister in government walked up to the podium, declared his shame for being absent and announced his resignation to shouts of ‘no’ from his peers. Hear him:

“I want to offer my sincere apologies to Baroness Lister for my discourtesy in not being in my place to answer her question on a very important matter at the beginning of questions. During the five years in which it’s been my privilege to answer questions from this dispatch box on behalf of the government, I’ve always believed that we should rise to the highest possible standards of courtesy and respect in responding on behalf of the government to the legitimate questions of the legislature. I’m thoroughly ashamed at not being in my place and therefore I shall be offering my resignation to the prime minister with immediate effect. I do apologise.” 

What was this guy smoking? Who resignation don epp? Of course, Theresa May rejected his resignation, but the courage of his conviction would go down in history as unique. Funke’s poser to Chevening Forum was whether this kind of conscientious resignation was possible in Naija or elsewhere in Africa? My answer to that is – Tufiakpa! Allah sawake! Oloun ma je! God forbid. 

This would not have happened in our own Naija even if Lord Bates were snorting the best glue mixed with codeine. A man just doesn’t wake up; go to work and because of common lateness offer his resignation even if his ancestors were against him. Why would a sinnator come late to the chamber when with a NASS number plate and armed escorts; a sinnator could cut through any traffic easier than hot knife through mai shanu? And if by reason of constituted authority, a higher convoy held him up there would have been a serious backlash and perhaps accidental discharge, ask Chris Anyanwu.

In Naija, Lord Bates would have sent a message to the presiding officer to adjourn sitting till the next day – answers could wait. Resignation is just another word in the dictionary, not a verb. No government official ridicules his constituted authority, his state or his family by turning a decorative word into an action verb. Nobody else in Naija or Africa is expected to emulate this kind of mumu. When was the last time Bukola Saraki or Yakubu Dogara checked the attendance register in their chambers?

If Lord Bates had tried this in Naija, his community would have withdrawn that resignation statement for him. His party would have supported them on the account that he did not discuss this with the party caucus. His villagers would have sacrificed goats to ward off the enemies that hypnotized him. General Gowon would have been asked to add his case to the national prayer point with Bishop Oyedepo and Baba Adeboye declaring days of fasting and prayer for his recovery. His wife and children would have gone on dry fasting. The Imam of the national mosque would have mumbled a million ashtagafirullah!

Who resignation don epp? Jacob Zuma has survived more votes of no confidence than any president in Africa as the ANC tries to disprove Ian Smith’s assertion that black men can’t govern. Pierre Nkurunziza dug in his heels after Burundi was turned into a killing – in Jesus’ name. He is not considering resignation. Paul Kagame who imprisoned the lady who challenged him at the last endorsement has been rewarded by his peers as new AU leader. Joseph Kabila declared his mineral-rich country broke, rather than step down for another ruiner. Yoweri Museveni scoffs at resignation and bought himself life presidency. Robert Mugabe did it at gunpoint but got a mouth-watering severance package and lifetime immunity for all his crimes against Zimbabwe. 

Resignation is un-African. Would Buhari resign for being a misadventure in governance? Not when his peers have made him the continent’s lifetime anti-corruption czar. Harvey Weinstein lost his own company for forcefully romancing vulnerable actresses, but Ibrahim Idris proclaimed his inalienable right to romance any recruit in the police force and waited for his boss to ask him to relocate to Makurdi distorting his plans for making babies while the nation he was appointed to defend burns. Danbanza his supervising minister sits tight in spite of scandals. Even the grasscutter enjoyed suspension with pay until public outcry hamstrung Sai Baba’s hands to fire him.

Godwin Emefiele shouted himself hoarse that Maikanti Baru eroded his supervisory authority, went ahead to plunge the nation into the worst artificial fuel scarcity in contemporary history but sits tight? Who has resigned for embarrassingly killing Shekau nine times and counting or killing 300 sleeping Shia Muslims in Zaria? Here is a public response to your question, Funke – in Naija and elsewhere in Africa, we don’t resign, we simply ask the question – who resignation don epp?