Re: The perfect polygamist
May Allah SWT reward you abundantly for this interesting edition of the diary. Although the topic addressed the bad guys among us, I must admit that it is one of the most interesting topics ever discussed in this column. The issue of unjust husbands is nothing new in our societies, it has been a major factor that ravaged many homes in our societies for years.
To start with, polygamy/polygyny is a sunnah of the Prophet SAW which Allah SWT permits us in the glorious Qur’an and was implemented by our beloved Prophet SAW and his noble companions down to time. As such, we are strongly in support of polygamy because of the wisdom
attributed to the concept.
However, certain conditions must be met, as stated in the glorious Qur’an “…….But if you fear that you shall not be able to deal justly ( with them ) then marry only one or (the slaves) that your right hand possess. That is nearer to prevent you from doing injustice”.(Al-Nisa’ 4:3). The commentators of the Qur’an and Fuqaha (jurists), have noted that some conditions are attached to polygamy some of which are; Justice / Fairness. Man is required to treat his wives equally in terms of feeding, clothing, conjugal relations etc.
The second important condition is that his finances must be sufficient to take care of the wives and his children as evident in the surah Al-Noor 24:33 “And let those who find not the financial means for marriage keep themselves chaste, until Allaah enriches them of His Bounty”.
These are some of the criteria that govern polygamy. Alas! in our societies today very few men consider these criteria before going into polygamy. What we care most about is the fact that ‘it is lawful’ to have more than one. We intentionally ignore the other essential factors such as; The issue of being just to them and the welfare of children. We forget that kids are amanah (trust) to us and it is our duty to feed, cloth and educate them. May Allah guide us to doing what is right to our wives and children. Ameen.
Rabiata Garga [email protected]
Still on the perfect polygamist
I extend the best of greetings to you. But he who seeks equity must come with clean hands. As such giving each wife provision in proportion to the number of her children, is unjust and ungodly. Its unimaginable that during sallah festival, the husband will have to slaughter 6 rams for the wife with 6 kids and 2 rams for the other wife, going by your opinion. But a ram to each wife will amount to fairness, and save cost. Currently couples are encouraged to practice family planning, in order to take good care of their kids. Your view will only instigate a competition for having babies like chickens. Equality is that ever kobo you spend on first wife must also be spent on the second.
Abu Alsadiq 1490 AH [email protected]
Re: Exterminate all the brutes(es)
The above-titled edition of Al-Bint’s Diary reminds me of an old edition of the same column named ‘Transferred Aggression’ which explains how some people lose their calmness and transfer their aggression towards others, mostly those lower in position, status and strength than them, rather than face their oppressors.
Like you rightly pointed out, the increase in the horrendous act of organ(s) removal in children and other physical abuse are very disturbing. One keeps wondering what the affected children have done to deserve such inhuman treatment and toxic cruelty. Do these cruel step-mothers ever think of how they would feel if their own biological children were subjected to the same treatment?.
It saddens one’s heart that the family unit and home front which ought to be a haven of tranquility and a breeding ground for peaceful and harmonious co-existence is continuously being threatened by various forces, making it a prison and a man-made topography of oppression, strife, vendetta, violence and abuses.
To my mind, it behoves every responsible adult, especially intending or aspiring couples to be very careful in their selection of spouses; we should not be carried away by the glamour of beauty and riches. Our proposed wives/husbands’ attitudes, especially as to how they react to disappointments and unpleasant situations should be observed and critically assessed to avoid marrying murderous wives or hostile husbands who would pose a serious threat to our children whether born or unborn. As parents, we owe it a duty to protect, guide and guard our kids; as we shall be questioned about them by Almighty Allah.
Lastly, like you rightly posited, the Government and other relevant bodies must ensure the cases of body organ(s) removal in children recorded lately are not swept under the carpet and ensure justice is done and the affected children are adequately treated or rehabilitated to enable them live their normal lives thereafter.
Moshood Ahmed, Coordinator, Society for Educational Development, Abaji (SEDA) 08034887906 [email protected]
Once more on Exterminate all the brutes(ses)
Child abuse cases are really on the increase in our society. If care is not taken they will become a tradition. Therefore, all hands need to be on deck to kick away this inhuman and ungodly acts. Women are known to be very caring and protective of their wards so I wonder if these so-called women who are maltreating infants are mentally sound. Married women are said to be into drug abuse these days. How do you expect a married drug addict to behave? Normally or abnormally? Men have to be very careful in terms of choosing their wives. They should choose educated and affectionate women to marry. Shehu Uthman bin Fodio promoted women’s education and cautioned men against leaving their wives and daughters ignorant. Asma’u bint Fodio equally promoted girl child education and advocated women’s rights to education. She said “To educate a person in mind and not in morals is to educate a menace to the society.” Therefore, women should be educated morally so as to aid them in training their wards effectively. I concur with Hajiya Bint that the brutesses should be exterminated. It would serve as a lesson to others who have that kind of evil intention in mind.
Hassan Imran [email protected]
Re: Exterminate all the brutes(ses)
Jazakillahu Khairan Hajiya Bint, for this episode and your suggestions.
In reality, death penalty should be the only punishment such evil hearted women deserve, because there is no other punishment that will suffice these innovated forms of homicidal attempts in our societies.
And to my fellow brethren, one characteristic we tend to ignore when looking for a second wife is that of her attitude being compatible with that of our families. Most times we go into marriage because we want to compete with our friends who have more than one wife not because of the need to add another wife and as a result, we tend not to be just to our first wives because our aims, ab initio, was not truly to practice the sunnah of our prophet SAW. To my sisters out there I’m sorry to say that this new form of ‘jealousy’ is not known to us in Islam and if it continues fellow men will no longer have need for second or third wives, meaning that many girls will remain single and we all know what that could lead to. My prayers are that Allah SWT will bring sanity to our relationships and protect us all from the evils of our own selves and others.
Rabiata Garga
[email protected]
Re: My seventy-first devil
Marriage is a well-established institution where genuine love, care, peace and tranquility should be found. And charity given does not decrease one’s wealth but rather purifies and multiplies it. It also draws the giver closer to Almighty Allah.
A humble wife always encourages and supports her husband in doing good deeds and she discourages him from doing bad also. Couples need to study each other critically through self-analysis and self-examination. If Mukhtar sincerely is taking good care of his wife by providing well for her, then what is wrong with her that she discourages him from being generous to his domestic workers? It’s said that “One cannot be at the bank of Niger and wash his hands with spittle.” Since Mukhtar is generous, his wife is supposed to encourage and support him in rendering assistance to the less privileged. Moreover, she ought to be happy that her hubby is spending his wealth in a righteous way. What if he is spending his wealth in an unlawful manner? Females need to fight the demons that push them to be miserly, wicked and greedy by purifying their hearts through prayers and Allah’s remembrance. As for Mr.Mukhtar, I think the decision he took not to eat her food is wrong, he should rather sit her down and explain the importance of charity to her, probably she might be acting out of ignorance and his explanation will educate her. But if she remains adamant, he can call a third party, whether a relative or an Islamic scholar to help him speak to her.
Hassan Imran [email protected]
Re: A night rain syndrome
There is no doubt that Nigeria is ‘technically in recession’ and so are many families and workplaces. This, of course makes countless pockets, wallets, purses and bank accounts red in color. In fact, many low income earning families and civil servants are already in depression and deprivation. Hence, our wives need to be understanding enough not to mistake their husbands cut in upkeep money for stinginess. The current economic situation calls for some form of adjustments here and there. If the promises made by this current government are anything to go by, better days are ahead, in sha Allah.
No Islamic injunction states that previous Sallah clothes/dresses cannot be worn for another Sallah feast. Also, a single sallah dress can be sewn in place of many. Instead of getting worked up because you cannot afford a variety of fruit juice, nutritious and cheaper types like ‘kunun aya’, kunun zaki and zobo’ are viable alternatives. These adjustments should not breed quarrels or chaos in the home. They aren’t worth the fuss. A husband could buy clothes/dresses for his wife and vice versa anytime he can, not only during Sallah festivities.
To my mind, those who live to enjoy and make every moment memorable in their marriages are those who truly understand their partner’s situation and genuinely adjust themselves accordingly, without treating the other as a burden. The children can also be taught some prudent financial skills in the home to enable them understand and adjust to having a single Sallah dress instead of many. There is no point hiding the facts (realities) from them. They should be made to know.
Mashood Ahmed
[email protected]
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