Managing failures in life

Owing to individual differences, different people (young and old) manage failures in life in different ways. Some individuals, due largely to frustrations and other psychological factors, manage disappointing situations with the most expensive alternative; the suicide option. This is the case with a student who reportedly attempted suicide for obtaining poor Unified Tertiary Matriculation Examination (UTME) result.
The Daily Trust edition of Tuesday, April 5, 2016, reported on page 36 that an 18-year-old female student attempted taking her life in Kubwa, Federal Capital Territory (FCT), over her inability to score up to 200 in the last UTME. The student was writing the examination for the second time, having failed to obtain the required cut-off marks in the previous attempt. The girl reportedly took 12 tablets of paracetamol at once and thus became dazed. She was quickly rushed to the Kubwa General Hospital where she was resuscitated, treated and later discharged. The action of the girl, according to the story, came as a rude shock to the parents as she was not under any pressure from them to gain admission into a tertiary institution.
Just recently too, a 40-year old resident of Alhaji Aboki street in Abaranje area of Ikotun, Lagos, committed suicide because of his inability to get married at the age of 40. The lifeless body of the deceased, identified as Femi, was discovered in an uncompleted building. Residents of the area told reporters that the late Femi’s frustrations were compounded when, two months earlier, he was evicted from his one-room apartment by his landlord. The landlord, it was gathered, ejected Femi after a second failed suicide attempt. On one of the two failed attempts, Femi jumped in to a well but was rescued. Femi who was a bricklayer had told one of his neighbours before committing suicide that although he desperately wanted a woman as a wife, every woman he approached complained of his financial position.
The spate of suicide as well as the rise in reported number of cases in the media has in recent times attained worrisome level in Nigeria. Suicide is a desperate attempt to escape suffering or a troubling situation that has become unbearable to a suicidal person. The World Health Organisation estimates that approximately one million people die annually from suicide.
Untreated depression, according to medical experts, is the number one cause of suicide. There are several other immediate and remote causes that could lead to suicide. They include divorce or breakup of a relationship, losing custody of children, rejection by family members, physical and sexual abuse including rape, incarceration, drug and alcohol abuse, bullying and humiliation, molestation and stigmatization, loss of job, house or money, terminal illness, hopelessness that springs from feelings that things will never get better, a feeling of failure in life, financial problems, loneliness or social isolation, unemployment, war, mental illness, and family history.
Some suicidal warnings or signs in a suicidal person include having problems with eating, sleeping and socialisation; reckless behavior such as over-speeding while driving or driving through red lights, talking about suicide, giving away possessions, visiting friends and relations to say ‘goodbye,’ researching suicide methods, buying suicide materials and writing suicide notes.
Every potential means or instrument of suicide such as pills, knives, razors or firearms, should be kept out of the reach of a potential suicidal person. His medications too should be locked away or given out only as the person needs them. Family members, particularly parents are advised to avoid putting undue pressure on their children over issues in which their choice matters, especially if they have come of age.
Dissatisfaction arising from inability to appreciate Allah’s favours most often leads to frustration which is a major cause of suicide. An individual may not appreciate his or her own situation by looking at those who are materially better. Those who contrast themselves with others who have less or enjoy fewer privileges are more likely to acknowledge the optimism concealed in the circumstances they find themselves. If you are distressed, calm yourself down and take an inventory of the blessings bestowed upon you but which others do not enjoy. These may include health, knowledge, clothing, shelter, vocation or trade, age, physical strength, sight, speech, hearing ability, etc.
If you are attempting suicide over poor UTME result, how will those who never went beyond primary school or never went to school at all complain? If you think you are justified to commit suicide for failing to be a married man or woman at 40 years of age, what in your opinion should be the fate of those who did not even live to celebrate their 20th birthday? Realising Allah’s implicit favours within and around you helps you to recognise that whatever challenges(s) you may be experiencing; you still have a cause to give gratitude to Allah (SWT) because there are others begging to have that which you are snubbing or refusing to appreciate. Challenges and failures are inevitable in life. It is how we manage them that makes or breaks us.
Government which at all levels has over the years abdicated its responsibilities in the area of job creation, education and health is encouraged to revive and strengthen social welfare offices and rehabilitation centres. Government could equally curb the high incidence of suicide through the provision of television viewing centres, sports and recreation centres, as well community libraries.
Apart from being alien to African culture, suicide is a worthless venture in the same way it stigmatises families. Government, the society, parents and individuals all have distinct and collective roles to play in tackling the tide of suicide in the country. Suicide does not just happen suddenly. Parents and family members have the foremost role of identifying warning signs and taking measures to address such as soon as suicidal symptoms manifest in their children or siblings.
Religious leaders in mosques and churches also have a great role in counselling their audience on the significance of patience and perseverance in life; citing historical evidence from the life and teachings of prophets and other virtuous men of God. Whoever commits suicide shall, according to the laws of Islam, find his abode on the Day of Judgment in hell fire. May Allah (SWT) guide us to manage our challenges in life with the best of patience and prayers, amin.