How do you handle a rebellious child?

Without a doubt, training a child is hard work and time-consuming but in the end it pays off when done properly. However, no matter how well trained a child or most children may be, there would always be a streak of stubbornness or rebellion in them. So, how would you handle a rebellious child? 

Ifeoma is a girl of eight who always believes she must get what she wants. She doesn’t take ‘NO’ for an answer, and chooses to do whatever she is asked to do at her own time or not at all. This trait has become a part of her that sometimes people around her ignore her naughty ways. 

Muhammad Bello Sada, a lecturer, told LifeXtra “The problem of dealing with rebellious children is very complicating. The dynamic nature of their thinking and attitude makes them even more difficult to handle. One should avoid punishment as much as possible, but put more emphasis on rewards and consequences of their action. Get to know their favourite activities and use them as leverage.

He added “Get them to understand how being obedient can get one rewards and recognition along with commendation and how being rebellious can make them lose a lot, along with condemnation and becoming a pariah in the society.”

Joy Afe Okojie is of the opinion that a rebellious child needs proper counselling from trained professionals. She said, “There is always a hidden reason behind rebellious behaviour. Counselling is it, though not popular in this part of the world that is quick to quote about sparing the ‘rod’ and spoiling the child. A ‘rod’ cannot help a rebellious child, it in fact it hardens them.”

Nnamdi Ifeanyi, a videographer, simply said “Shower the child with plenty of love.”

Mrs Rachel Oke, an Abuja-based caterer, says the first thing with parenting is to understand the peculiar temperament of every child. “A lot of African parents know next to nothing about temperaments. Sometimes we describe a choleric child as rebellious. The earlier parents understand that children are born differently and have different traits, the better for us all. Why is it that in a home of four kids, three are deemed obedient while one is seen as rebellious, despite the fact that they are being raised under the same circumstances? It all boils down to their temperament.”

She advises that parents should study the temperament of each child and proffer solutions accordingly. “A strong willed child should be handled with love and logic. Despite their age, they want to do things their own way, so flogging or handling them in anger doesn’t solve the problem.”

Erin James, in her article titled “Parenting a Rebellious Child”, stated “A strong willed child often just wants control of their life. If you give them control, they will undoubtedly run with it. Instead, do not raise your voice. Do not respond out of anger. Respond out of logic. Explain again and again until they understand your stance on the situation. Often, physical discipline with defiant children fails because they feel they have the ability to push you beyond your breaking point. You should never physically discipline your child out of anger anyway.”

“Giving your child a sense of control in a safe situation is a good way to let them exert their freedom. Allowing them to choose a movie or help you make plans can be teachable moments. Do not over-criticize. If you are constantly pointing out their bad behaviours, it can lead to the child wanting to disobey even more. Provide uplifting and loving affirmations to your child. Encourage outlets such as art, music, or sports. Turning their focus to safe, healthy activities can encourage your child to put that strong energy into something positive,” she concluded.