The value of cows

Nasir Ahmed el-Rufai set the tone for what Sai Baba has now patented. After his rather sterling performance as FCT Minister, the EFCC alleged that el-Rufai allocated choice parcels of land to his family and a retinue of friends. Not the type to easily issue an apology for mere accusations, he was quoted as telling his critics to wait for their turn in office, then favour their enemies. In today’s world, that would have amounted to Trumpspeak. In 2013, el-Rufai was cleared of all allegations and is now the governor to beat among his peers. He remains a Sai Baba loyalist. 

So, one finds it rather amusing that people feel disturbed about Sai Baba’s nepotistic appointments. I’ll bet Dino Melaye’s pirate costume that Femi Adesina loses no sleep over the new NIA director-general; who some say is another Sai Baba kinsman. Even a madman would hoe towards his own side if given a hoe, say our elders. Sai Baba loves his hometown and with a cozy helipad in Daura and several planes at his command, he makes several trips home. His cows thank him for it and are said to have been cured of their 14-years of physical and spiritual barrenness. A recent photo bore testimony to their transformation as being far from those which produce what Agric minister, Audu Ogbeh described as the worst milk in the universe. 

Now, the Brazilian grass experiment may not have kicked off in Daura, but since Ogbeh’s pronouncements, nobody has taken on cow milk tasting as a pastime. Sad for sachet milk producers; they lost their favourite APC campaign posterboys and have increased their advertisement drive to keep their hold on the local market. I understand that when a neighbour releases an intercontinental ballistic mess, they are accused of drinking Naija cow milk.

Cows are incredibly valuable things in some societies. They provide us with cheap protein and their milk nurtures the cow generation – all gravitating towards the same morass. In some countries, people worship cows; in others, people make a living ranching them. Cowboys make love and melody from keeping their eyes on their cattle. Cows are wonderful things but nowhere else have they garnered as much value than Naija, except perhaps in parts of India. In our country, those who have cows do not herd them. They hire those with the knowhow, if you listen to spoilsports; they are now arming them to wage a war against those who think that these tough animals are what we call them – animals. When people are big and seem to be stupid, we disparage them by calling them cows forgetting that the untouchables are also called sacred cows.

Today, in the stock of things the value of cows has hit the roof. It attained that status while we were bickering over who made what appointments. Lawal Daura was ruing his retirement in Katsina when Sai Baba picked him to replace Ita Ekpeyong a Cross Riverian as the DG of the SSS. Calabar’s loss was Katsina’s gain. Ekpeyong did not share his salary at the Main Market in Calabar; Daura is unlikely to share his in Daura. But from all indications, the Katsinawa appears to make fantastic spies because rumours have it that Sai Baba has just appointed Ahmed Abubakar as DG, NIA. He replaces Ayo Oke, a Yoruba man. 

Wailers are shouting nepotism – who national spread don epp? Nothing spoil if the nation is secured? In the business of spying, a man’s kinsman is always a better amebo than the nosey neighbour. There are those who swear that kin-spies cannot guarantee the security of the nation. Maybe not, it suffices if they could guarantee the security of sacred cows. 

We missed the market evaluation of the cow over the human while insulting Libyans. At least Libyan slave traders put dollar value on their slaves. When herdsmen missed 1,000 of their cattle, they returned to Benue State where milk sales are banned by Audu Ogbeh and his kinsman Samuel Ortom because they produce soggy milk. So, the herdsmen returned and murdered over 70 men, women and children, burning and looting their villages. 

Air force planes were placed on aerial surveillance of the marauders train allegedly with strict orders not to engage them. The nation’s romancing law officer, Ibrahim Idris rose from his amorous bed, yawned and dismissed the carnage as a mere communal clash. Communal clashes are game until his master ordered him to go to Benue apparently to quell the riots there.

Before then, for days, the presidency kept mute and when Femi Adesina flippantly addressed it, it reminded you of why the lady in the Daily Need advert wouldn’t do it. We would never know how much our value as human beings have depreciated under this regime and those before it. Because they’ll never give us any value until cows make their debut in the Stock Exchange. In Aso Rock, they place more value on cows than human beings, until election time.