A welcome to Buhari’s 2018

For all the storms it is going to unleash on the world, 2018 has taken off with a spry. George Weah, a one-time Europe-based footballer that once swore by his left foot that he’d rather be an evangelist than a politrician has won Liberia’s presidency. It reminds me of a song we used to sing at ESSMO, Mopa – be careful little mouth what you say. 

It’s the season of predictions, and the God of Naija preachers is raising an army of ministers against Sai Baba. Father Mbaka; the one who blessed Patience Jonathan and later recanted and decamped to the Buhari camp has warned his friend, Buhari against seeking re-election. The camp of those whose affinity broke Buhari’s islamization agenda is depleting. His one-time running mate, Tunde Bakare, says he has received divine marching orders to contest the 2019 elections. On his part, Daddy GO has predicted the fall of many Goliaths this year.

While migrants ensconced in Libyan jails are praying to be discovered and returned home, lucky migrants to the Holy Land of Israel are getting set for jail or a better life in Uganda and Rwanda. The Israelis have struck a repatriation deal with born-again Paul Kagame and brand-new-second-hand Yoweri Museveni for their hegira. Those who choose to be repatriated to Rwanda and Uganda are promised free flight and a $3,500 stipend. I could see Naija desperadoes finding their way to Israel before March ending when the windfall lapses and prison terms begin. Some would prefer Israeli jails to the pyrrhic freedom that home offers. Neither Kagame nor Museveni has told us what their countries stand to gain from the repatriation deal.

Of course home has no dull moment. Buhari has sworn in his first harangue to the nation in 2018 that all those who bypassed him and Ibe Kachikwu as oil ministers, and the powerful Maikanti Baru to drink up all the fuel earmarked for a hitch-free Yuletide would be severely punished. Knowing that Sai Baba promised list of corrupt persons is yet to materialize, that the promise of building more refineries has been replaced by fuel importation; nobody should doubt the president’s threat. What I can say is: woe to any oil marketer who is not an APC supporter!

The problem with Naija citizens, according to Saint Buhari, is that we are impatient lots. How anyone thinks that the change that took sixteen years and three attempts to cook delivers in three years beats any rational imagination. Not even Rome was built in three years. But like an unarmed victim being raped by armed bandits, what choice do Naija people have but embrace both good luck and patience his wife?

At least the police have buckled up. No, they haven’t captured Abubakar Shekau who has released another psychotic video nor have they any clue where he is hiding; but do not underrate the intelligence efforts of our police. Granted that they are yet to uncover those behind the wanton killings in Benue, Cross River, Taraba, Anambra, or Kaduna. Nobody expects Naija police intelligence to forestall the kidnap of the King of Baju or to uncover more kidnap and cult kingpins when these calamities affect those that our president calls ‘soft-targets’. 

If you are not among those whom the police protect – that’s you – stupid soft target. Go on your knees and pray or die a soft death. Things take a dynamic turn when hard-targets are softly targeted. Daniel Elombah, publisher of an online portal questioned how IG Ibrahim Idris could be allowed to romance his own recruits without repercussion. He thought he could use NADECO route to a peaceful New Year rendezvous with his family in Edoji-Uruagu Nnewi, Anambra State. He was wrong. SARS; Idris’ crack squad fished him and his brother out in a show of force not seen in Anambra since Crocodiles took on uniforms and danced in the east. The chap has been away too long. 

This is why Steve Bannon should consider himself lucky to be an American. His book, described as defamatory to #therealDonald is hot in the news, but he is roaming free albeit with threats of a gargantuan lawsuit. Bannon should be careful though; President Jones’ most famous statement is that America will know. Well, America could learn. The CIA could learn from SARS how to treat official critics. Idris could afford a lawyer, but why brief one when you control the forces of brutality?

2018 promises to be a hard year for Naija’s press boys (and girls) who feel that just because Buhari described himself as a reformed dictator, they could keep hectoring him on their platforms. Recently they attempted embarrassing the President because his board appointments honoured the dead. These were the same people blaming government for forgetting the supreme sacrifice paid by Dr. Ameyo Adadevoh in the Ebola crisis of 2014. Yes, from Buhari’s spectacles, Naija people are impatient lot and this is the year they all should be dealt a coup dur. If state governors could detain their Facebook critics, what gives people immunity against presidential defamation? If you could write the trash, you should be prepared to do the time. Welcome to Buhari’s 2018!