Undoubtedly, Nigeria is one place on earth where you can have extreme situations of so many human circumstances. Children are special gifts from Allah who gives to whom He (SWT) wills at the time He wishes. The desire by some people to have those who would eventually take after them in knowledge dissemination, wealth creation, leadership roles, vocation, and trades never went beyond dreams. However, when you see how some parents treat their children, you begin to wonder whether they know the worth of this special gift of Allah.
To abandon children under various false excuses, hoaxes, and pretenses is the height of man’s ingratitude to Allah. A father or mother who fails to prioritize parental care and love for his children is not better than anyone found guilty of crimes against humanity. Many deviant behaviours in children including delinquency, truancy, waywardness and disrespect for elders are, in most cases, a consequence of the failure of parents to sufficiently care and show adequate love for their children. The widespread moral laxity that is characteristic of many young boys and girls today is traceable to parental irresponsibility especially those who compromise between their duties as parents and the pursuit of worldly luxuries including power and wealth.
It would be difficult for a child who never enjoyed the expected care and love from his parents to develop and offer same to them. Within the context of theories of personality development in behavioural psychology, a child’s first and immediate social environment, which is basically the home, shapes his character. In the home, parents more than other family members play the most significant and influential role in defining the pattern of behaviour a child develops.
The way parents manage the physical, mental or psychological, and educational needs of children could make or mar their overall personality development. The extent to which parents care about the well-being of their children including nutrition, bodily hygiene, school or educational needs and opportunities for recreation all determine the inclusive character of young boys and girls. A mother who considers her crying-baby to be unnecessarily stubborn could be misinterpreting the child’s plight. Similarly, a father who believes a child should be given all that he asks for could be ruining the young boy or girl’s moral development.
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Some mothers who fail to see breastfeeding of their babies as a God-defined responsibility find nothing wrong in abandoning this natural obligation. While urban mothers avoid breastfeeding for fear of losing their bodily shape, rural women who are guilty of this wicked act naively do so out of sheer ignorance, carelessness and lack of education. Allah defines the period for breastfeeding babies in Qur’an 2:233 and states “The mother shall give suck to their offspring for two whole years if the father desires to complete the term. But he shall bear the cost of their feeding and clothing on equitable terms…” Hence, which love and care could be greater and better for a child than feeding from his mother’s God-endowed natural and nutritious food; the breast milk?
The affection between mothers who breastfeed their children for at least half of the Qur’anic defined period of breastfeeding explains the intimacy and attachment found between such children and their parents. The closeness is plausibly less between today’s children and their parents. It is not unlikely that children who send their aged parents to old people’s home for care are those who enjoyed little or no parental care and love in their childhood. Such is the group of children who also have little or no regard for others who are old enough to be their parents. They are ruthless and treat everyone with disdain.
The friendship and fondness found between a baby who enjoyed exclusive breastfeeding for even the six months defined by the World Health Organization (WHO) is unlikely to be the same with a baby who (against its wish) was breastfed for a very short period or whose main food was other than breast milk at a time he should be breastfeeding. It is, I guess, in recognition of the value of breast milk to child growth and development that the Baby-Friendly Initiative (BFI) was launched in 1991. Besides, it was further meant to reduce the high infant-mortality rate that occurred from preventable childhood diseases especially in tropical regions of Africa.
Beyond breastfeeding as an essential element of childcare and love is the kind of relationship parents maintain with children when they are adults. Children, when they have come of age, should be their parents’ best ‘friends’ but this can only be achieved if parents are friendly to them by providing friendly environment for friendly interaction. It is important for parents to create time to interact with their children with a view to appreciating their needs and challenges. Parents have a responsibility to help their children find solutions to their problems.
Nonetheless, parental care and love must not be exclusive of discipline and proper upbringing. ‘Carrot’ and ‘stick’ should take their rightful places in nurturing children. Providing answers to the curious questions of children, communicating positively and truthfully about events, providing clear but calm instructions, monitoring and preventing unwanted behaviours, as well as discouraging unhelpful thoughts are some strategic forms of caring for children. As implored in Qur’an 25:74, may Allah grant us ‘children who will be the comfort of our eyes’, amin.
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