We are all involved in one relationship or the other; mutual or otherwise. We have friends that are closer to us than even family and likewise family members that are closer to us than other family members. Most times issues come up in relationships and serious advice and caution need to be given. The question now is when someone comes to you for advice; do you tell them what they want to hear or what they need to hear?
Saratu Habeeb, 37-year-old nurse, says, “If I may ask, have you ever told someone the truth and that became the end of your friendship and they take you to be an enemy for life? Telling someone I took for a friend what she needed to know and not sugarcoating words earned me horrible names and cost me and my family a lot of discomfort and disgrace. So sometimes it pays to keep quiet or simply let them know you would prefer not to get involved.”
Bola Olumide, 38-year-old banker, says, “We owe each other that responsibility to be sincere and tell each other what we need to know and not what we want to know/hear. Telling someone what they want to hear, if it’s inaccurate, is just lying to them. You’re better off just refusing to comment. I’ve gotten into trouble for telling them the truth. People like being lied to or not being told the truth and that’s the truth. Weird, right!”
Mairo Ahmad, 40-year-old consultant, speaking from personal experience says, “Sometimes, people seek advice, but are not prepared to be told what they need to hear. They want loads of lies to make them feel good and justified for their actions or feelings. The truth hurts, but as friends we need to tell them the truth. I’m a straight talker and sometimes people don’t like it. I’d rather someone be straight with me and it stings if it’s true than be pampered and everything remains the same. I’d rather be hurt with the truth than lied to. If people are open to change for the better then they would appreciate the truth.”
Yakubu Bello, 43-year-old estate surveyor, says, “For me, it depends on who is asking and the individual’s state of mind at the time they are asking. I would honestly let them know what I’d do if I were in their shoes, so this could be either what they need to hear or what they want to hear. What they want to hear is the truth but most times the truth is too sad or painful to contain, it all depends on how we handle it. Advice is advice to those that will listen and accept the fact.”
Adaora Udeh Mark, 39-year-old entrepreneur, says, “If they ask me, I tell them what they need to hear, while demonstrating empathy and understanding. Being truthful does not mean you have to be mean. If they don’t ask, I demonstrate empathy and understanding. Empathy is great in delivering the truth. The way you deliver goes a great long way to help the person receiving the advice. When the bible says a soft answer turns away wrath it is a great truth. This I learnt from experience.”
Sometimes truth can be painful. But true friends should always tell each other what they need to hear and not what they want to hear.
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