Most often, men are not the best advisers of women because the latter always feel men are naturally chauvinistic towards them; looking down upon them and their intellectual, physical, political and economic capacities. Some women also feel that the advice many men give to their wives is not the same as when they are advising other than their spouses. Most women believe that ulterior motives underline nearly every suggestion, view, judgement, information, and even the preaching that comes from their husbands. Later in this piece, I will relate the story which my big Oga in this writing job, Malam Mahmud Jega, told me of what a female Professor said was her headache with men.
Except for the God-fearing among them, it’s typical of women to prefer and even listen better to the opinions that come from their daughters, mothers and fellow women more than those offered by men generally. A woman is likely to appreciate the truth told by a fellow woman better than when the same honest truth is told by any man including her husband even if he were a scholar. This is why, as the title of this piece indicates, women are urged to listen to the sincere counsel recently offered by one of them, Uju Kennedy-Ohaneye.
Nigeria’s current Minister for Women Affairs, Barrister Uju Kennedy-Ohaneye, has advised women in the country not to argue or fight back when having arguments with their husbands at home. Speaking in Abuja during a Conference of Commissioners of State Ministries of Women Affairs in Nigeria on Wednesday, February 28, 2024, she advised fellow women to avoid trading words would prevent physical assault that may lead to something worse. This conference at which Minister Uju enjoined women to play safe was organised by the Rule of Law and Anti-Corruption (RoLAC) Phase II Programme and funded by the European Union through the International Institute for Democracy and Electoral Assistance (International IDEA).
In a blunt manner, Minister Uju said, “I am equally begging my women not to look for trouble, not even at home. Maintain peace in your home because if a home is peaceful, the woman has 80 per cent to contribute to that. If you need peace, you can equally achieve it; adding that “Keep your mouth shut. Talking back does not yield fruit, rather it leads to death and destruction, it leads to bringing up bad children for society. Keep your mouth shut, it does not make you a fool but a wise person. When the man is shouting and saying all sorts of things, act like a fool and keep your mouth shut.”
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The minister, being aware of the agitation for equality of rights in the home, continued with her conversation saying, “After a while, watch him. If he is a good man, he will come back to apologise. If he is not a good one, ignore him. Have what you want to do in your mind, but when we show who we are and we fight back, most times, it leads to hitting; you could be injured. The same man that injures you will come back to say I am sorry. What will you do? Will you kill him? Even if we come out to fight for you and you lose one eye, are we going to replace the eye? So, prevention is better than cure.” While all that the minister said may not have gone down with feminists, everything she said is tolerable to this column.
The problem with a lot of women is their refusal to accept the role and status assigned to them by nature and as defined by Islam. Simple logic teaches that rights cannot be equal because the duties and responsibilities that define the rights of the other person were not, from the onset, meant to be equal. Allah affirms in Qur’an 4:34 that “Men are protectors and maintainers of women because Allah has given the one more (strength) than the other; and because they support them from their means…’ Physical strength, bravery, and perseverance are some of the physical and psychological traits with which Allah (SWT) has favoured men over women. This is Allah’s choice. Women, too, have certain traits that are peculiar to them including emotion and being ingrate.
Women would always get it wrong as long as they continue to see propaganda for equality of rights with men as the only way for advancing their gender-based concerns. Even in Islam, there’s equality of rights between men and women in many things, but not in everything. For instance, Islam makes the search for knowledge compulsory for both male and female. It also provides for equal access to business opportunities and ownership of property without discriminating against men or women.
During one of our Editorial Board meetings at Daily Trust many years ago, the ace Columnist, Malam Mahmud Jega who was the then chairman of the board narrated what a female Professor once said about men. Jega recalled that the American professor who was a resource person in a programme himself and other colleagues from Nigeria attended in Dubai, the United Arab Emirates asked to know her husband gave her so much of unsolicited advice as if the she lacked the intellect, maturity, capacity, and liberty to decide things for herself. Malam Jega said he politely explained to her that “It is because majority of men are older than their wives, and would therefore, not want their wives to suffer any of the bad experiences they once had in the past.” More so, Malam Jega added “The buck stops at the man’s desk.” Allah (SWT) states in Qur’an 2:228 ‘…but men have a degree (of advantage) over them…’
If the creator of male and female has not made them equal in nature, rights and duties; does it really make sense for the sake of equality to therefore ask Muslim women to marry four husbands at a time since such is a right enjoined upon Muslim men? Or make praying in the mosque compulsory for Muslim women just like men? While we pray that Allah guides women to listen to Minister Uju, May He also guide us all to appreciate His divine wisdom inherent in all things, amin.
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