How best to discuss unpleasant situations with partners

Like every other aspect of life, relationships experience a fair share of misunderstandings, especially in the aspect of telling our partners what friends and family members can’t tell them.  For instance, where your partner has mouth or body odour or bad hygiene generally, what is the best way to bring up the subject without hurting his/her feelings? 

Asmau Ahmed, 39-year-old lawyer, says “It’s absurd when a partner feels ashamed to tell his/her partner something like that. A partner that has someone tell him such truth should know that partner has his/her back any time, any day. If you don’t feel free to express your feelings or share anything you feel like with your partner, then you are not as close to him as you claim to be and you have no right to call yourself his/her partner. True love should be open and fearless of each other, especially when it comes to telling our partners such truth.”

Samson Ike, 40-year-old engineer, says “Sometimes, most couples aren’t comfortably discussing such things. Some feel embarrassed; the women, especially, become unnecessarily angry when their partners draw their attention to such things. What I would advise anyone with such problem is to start by telling him/her how you feel about them, what you like about them and what you feel should be done to make them the perfect partner you would be proud of.  Gradually, you then introduce what you feel they need to change about their hygiene in a way they wouldn’t take offence but should rather understand that you are doing it out of concern. This way, they will respect you and your suggestion more rather than when you tell them in a disrespectful and disgusting manner. Anything short of the above is not a healthy relationship.”

Nneka Oliver, 38-year-old nurse, says “As partners, if we really love and care for our wives/husbands, we should love everything about them. But when it comes to mouth or body odour, then it could be difficult to love that about them because it’s an instant turn off and embarrassment, especially in public. If you think expressing it to him/her will be an issue then I advise you do it with wisdom by buying him/her body spray, perfume and even advice that he/she takes a bath at least three times a day. If these don’t work, then you should come out open and let them know they have serious personal challenges they need to take care of.”

“There is no better platform to tell someone the honest truth than a true and open relationship. A partner should be comfortable enough to tell his/her partner whatever they don’t like or issues that affect their personal relationships with others. A true partner doesn’t just stop there but goes on to help find a solution with love and care. We should take note that when telling someone who has such issues, we should say it with care as sometimes it could pass as an insult when we say it in an irritating manner. We should ensure we say it with concern.”